Artemis Fowl: Forever Once Again
by Leviticus Wilkes
Summary: The strange eons have come, and death lays dead on the road. Those who cannot move on find themselves living their lives again and again. As Artemis and Holly struggle to survive in these strange repeats of time, it becomes clear how much they need not only their wits, but also each other. Groundhog Time Travel, eventual A/H.
1. Chapter 1

**Artemis Fowl: the Infinite Ages**

 **A/N: Well, ladies and gentlemen of the Artemis Fowl fandom, welcome to the infinite loops.**

* * *

 **1.1: Moonlight**

* * *

The golden world spirals from unconsciousness. Ceiling tiles fade into reality. The bustle of soldiers and Recon members flirt with the hum of the lights as cleanup continues. Noxious smoke swirls with abandon around her. Familiarity clicks together, and instincts kick in. She sits up, just in time to be yelled at.

"SHORT!"

Captain Holly Short twitched irately as Commander Root's anger hit her. "Ugh... Commander?"

Root was livid, his whole body shaking from his boots to his pointy ears. "What in Frond's name were you thinking! You were given direct orders to wait outside until Recon showed up! How'd you even get in here?!"

Holly fought to avoid rolling her eyes. "Sir, the Troll was inside. A mud-woman called for help. It's an invitation to enter a human dwelling."

Root verbally growled and chewed his cigar. "You're on thin ice, Short. Entering a human dwelling is too risky, even if you used a flash grenade to knock them out."

Holly glanced around the restaurant, pixies, elves, gnomes and dwarves swarming around and tending to the unconscious humans, mind-wiping them before they came back to consciousness. Still more were tending to the massive, ape-like troll, notably unconscious thanks to Holly's interference. The whole mess was surprisingly empty of blood and gore, an attribute that Holly took immediate pride in. "With all due respect, sir, I think that the Council will go easy on me."

At that point, everything went right to hell. A pixie shot out of the bathroom, panicking,"A human child! A human child got missed by the flash bomb!"

"SHIELDS!" Root roared, his Magic already surging through his cells, vibrating his body into invisibility. Around him, the other LEPrecon officers vanished into thin air, lost to the naked eye. Holly gasped, summoned up her own Magic...

And bleakly remembered that she was running on empty. "D'Arvit."

The human child walked out of the bathroom and glanced at Holly impassively. "Ciao, perdere fata." The boy climbed into his mother's lap and fell asleep in an instant.

Holly sighed as Commander Root reappeared, purple-faced and shaking. _'Oh boy...'_

"SHORT!" Root roared. "WHAT WAS THAT?!"

Holly winced. "Commander, I-"

"You don't have any Magic, do you? You haven't done the ritual in months!"

Well, he was right.

Root was glaring hard at Holly, two instincts warring in his mind and rather clearly on his face. "Short... You're going to do the ritual. Tonight. There's a full moon out. But after you do the ritual, you will turn around, you will haul your ass back to Haven, and you will seat it right in front of the Council. Do I make myself clear?"

For the first time that night, Holly Short looked her commanding officer dead in the eyes. Root choked on air when he saw exactly what had changed. Holly didn't notice, of course: she was too busy smiling at him. "Of course, Commander. I'll get right on it."

Holly activated the wings on her suit and launched into the air. She stared up into the night sky with her mismatched eyes, one her natural hazel, the other Artemis Fowl's cerulean.

* * *

Artemis Fowl silently gazed out of the small encampment he and Butler had ensconced themselves in. The Irish bog they were hiding in was empty save for the duo and a few small, ground-dwelling mammals. Across from them was an old, gnarled tree, overhanging a narrow bend in a river. Shrouded in silver moonlight, the area looked simply Magical.

 _'Now that is an incredibly apropos statement,'_ Artemis thought. "Butler, be sure to aim low tonight."

Butler, first name irrelevant, gently lowered the air rifle, modified for his spectacular stature. "Of course, Artemis. Do you have a feeling that something is going to happen tonight?"

"No feeling, merely certainty," Artemis answered. "In fact... I believe tonight we will have something else with which to slog through three swamps, two fields, and over a fence."

Butler raised an eyebrow. "Master Artemis, I had no idea you were aware of that."

"I have my ways."

Butler clicked his teeth. "Right..." Butler's grip on the rifle immediately tightened. Artemis smiled as he saw exactly what was waiting outside of their hidden position.

"Yes..."

Across the clearing, gently touching down below the tree, was a short person. Barely three feet tall, with brown skin, red hair (a buzz cut) and strikingly pointed ears. She couldn't have passed for human... though maybe a human child? The Faerie knelt and picked up an acorn.

Butler inhaled, exhaled slowly, and squeezed the trigger.

* * *

Holly hit the ground and rolled beneath the dart, seizing her helmet and pulling back it on. Her hand dropped to her Neutrino sidearm, bringing it up. A dart to the hand killed that idea fast. Holly leapt behind the tree, her only offense lost. "Not again..."

Holly scratched a hole into the dirt, rapidly trying to see where Artemis and Butler would come from. It was around the time she was burying the acorn that she realized something was wrong. "I return you to the earth, and in return take my birthright."

Magic flooded Holly's body, flushing her with power. Clenching her teeth, Holly brought up her shield, vanishing into thin air. Stepping out from behind the tree, Holly stared at the young boy who was standing across the clearing from the tree.

For too long, Artemis Fowl and Holly Short stared at each other without speaking. Artemis broke it. "Good evening, Captain Short."

"Good evening, Artemis Fowl."

Artemis adjusted his glasses. "Am I to assume that you used your helmet's facial recognition software to identify me?"

"Am I to assume that you are still a wiseass?" Holly retorted peevishly.

Artemis adjusted the mirrored glasses he wore, a safeguard against Holly's ability to hypnotize him with the _Mesmer_. "Miss Short, as I understand it, you need to remember that I am a dangerous criminal who has obviously succeeded in hacking Foaly's immense array of firewalls and technological advantages used to defend you from us mere 'mudmen'."

Holly tapped the edge of her helmet. "I would imagine so. He's probably in shock, though, otherwise he'd be screaming my ear off."

Artemis nodded once. "Well, Miss Short, I do believe that would conclude the necessity of our correspondence, if it were not for a single situation. That of my mother."

Holly made no comment. "You still intend to kidnap me?"

Artemis smiled deviously... actually, no. Artemis smiled sincerely, but after years of seeing him as the magnificent bastard that he was, Holly had come to see almost everything Artemis did as devious or cunning. Artemis removed the mirrored glasses, still smiling at Holly. "Holly, you may not believe this, but you just confirmed that you are also time traveling."

Holly opened her mouth, choked on air, and stared slack jawed at Artemis. "You... You've time traveled as well. Again?" she tacked on, recalling their previous adventures through the time stream.

"It would seem so," Artemis said slowly. "Though I take it by your tone that the revelation of our mutual temporal displacement is not what elicited such surprise. Was there anything else?"

"Well, it's... _your_ eye. It's mine." Holly pulled her helmet off of her head and turned the tunnel lights on, pointing it at the ground to illuminate her without blinding herself. "Artemis, what are the color of my eyes?"

Artemis' hand ghosted to the foreign hazelnut eye in his socket. "Now this... this is unexpected. Obviously something _more_ than time travel is occurring here."

At that point, Holly's helmet started screaming at her. Holly sighed and put the helmet down. "Sorry, Julius, Foaly. There's something I need to handle."

"Speaking of the situation at hand..."

A red dot appeared on Holly's chest. "Wait... you're going to knock me out again?"

"I'm terribly sorry, Holly," Artemis said. "However, Butler would much rather you be unconscious while we're transporting you. Whether or not you'd come willingly with us is... out of the question."

"You're going to knock me out again," Holly said in annoyance. "Artemis Fowl, did you regress to your original standard of cartoon villainy?"

"Surely not."

PSSSH, went Butler's air rifle. Thump, went Holly's unconscious body. Artemis chuckled.

"I have always had a degree of cartoonish villainy."

* * *

Commander Root was obviously quite enraged when Holly returned to the subterranean faerie city of Haven. "Captain Short, you have exactly thirty seconds to explain to me how and why you allowed yourself to be kidnapped by a Mud-Man," he growled as Foaly, resident centaur super-genius and tinfoil hat fanatic, ran a humming, glowing device over Holly's suit.

Holly sighed. After healing Angelina Fowl of her grief induced insanity, she and Artemis had gone their separate ways, albeit with the promise to meet up later and possibly figure out how they had managed to time travel and restore Artemis' memories after his death. "Commander... you know what, I'm going to let the Mud-Boy explain this."

Foaly cocked an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, what?"

Holly pointed at a screen. "I'll bet Artemis will be calling you in a few minutes. He's probably already watching this."

"I am."

"No, no, no," Foaly said. "It's patently impossible that any human could have matched Faerie technology. Why, the entire idea is absurd, especially when compared to myself: I am the foremost leader in technological innovation amongst the Faerie Families."

"And you bring up the rear in situational awareness," Root said, pointing at the screen that Artemis Fowl was watching through. Foaly choked on air at the sight. Holly merely rolled her eyes.

"I admit, it was a fair challenge to hack into your systems Foaly. In fact, it took me a record fifteen minutes. You really should be honored to have given me such a challenge. Truly, it was an enjoyable exercise," Artemis said, snarking a mile a minute.

Foaly looked like he was having an aneurism. Root growled. "Alright, Mud-Boy... I've have had it up to here -"

"Not any significant amount, then."

"- With this day. Give me an explanation, or I will personally bring the entire Lower Elements Police Force down on your head and have them pull your brain and your hard drive apart piece by piece. So explanation. Now."

"I was under the impression that Captain Short would be the one charged with explaining the situation," Artemis said, driving Root's blood pressure up another three notches. "Regardless of your lack of knowledge, I do believe that surrendering the responsibility -"

"Artemis Fowl, you will explain this to Root, or I will be the one leading the assault on your manor," Holly retorted.

"SOMEONE -"

"Time travel."

Root caught himself and glared at Artemis with a look that promised violent retribution. "What in Frond's name does time travel have to do with this?"

Artemis smiled and leaned in to the camera, Holly's hazel eye staring out at Root next to the human's natural' sapphire. "Commander, I am aware of the insanity of the situation, intimately so. Trust me, though: I am going to make the next few months of your life much, much easier. Shall I begin?"

Foaly was engrossed in the computer stations and trying to find out how Artemis had snuck in,, Holly was exasperated, and Root just wanted an explanation. "Start talking, Mud-Boy. Maybe when you're done, I will only have your mind wiped."

Artemis smirked. "Let us begin, then. Perhaps at the beginning: It all started in Ho Chin Minh City..."

* * *

 **1.2: Repeat?**

* * *

Holly Short's world swirled around her, building towards recognition. Blurry lines gained definition, colors burned into existence. Slowly, other senses returned. The stink of sweat and wet troll hung in the air, overpowered by noxious fumes. Hustle and bustle all around, marked merely by the noise. The cold tiles underneath her, and the rank taste of warm spit in her mouth. A voice: "Holly?"

A snap to attention, and then a shout. "SHORT!"

Holly Short jolted in mid-motion as she recognized her location again. A small restaurant in Italy, which until very recently had been the target of a rogue Troll. A restaurant, filled with mud-men, women, even children. Only Holly's interference had stopped the restaurant from becoming a slaughterhouse.

Faeries bustled around her, the LEPrecon moving to mind-wipe every human who had seen anything, repair the tiles the Troll had cracked under sheer weight, and tend to the Troll itself, now bound and being moved out of the restaurant.

Holly Short was back to the fateful night she had meant Artemis... Again. This was the third time. It was the third time she had watched these men: elves, gnomes, pixies and sprites, all of them her coworkers, struggling to clean up her mess. Holly's mouth was dry. "How..."

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!"

Holly numbly turned to stare at Commander Root, her eternally exasperated commanding officer a shade of purple to put royalty to shame. Seeing her empty look was a shock to Root, though - Holly was one of the strongest Recon Captains in the force. If she had been broken by this... "Short, what happened in here? What went wrong?"

Holly gulped, her heart suddenly deciding to take residence in her throat. "Commander... you're not going to belie-"

"A human child! A human child got missed by the flash bomb!" The same Pixie from before came racing out of the bathroom.

"SHIELDS!" Root shouted, already vanishing. Holly nearly froze up, her own instincts fighting, for a moment, with her knowledge of her powerlessness. She had to move, she had to -

"Ciao, perdere fata," the young boy said to her. The boy walked back to his mother, as before, and climbed into her lap before falling asleep. Holly kicked herself mentally.

' _Great job freezing up, Short. This is Hamburg all over again..._ '

Commander Root reappeared, his shield dropping while his blood pressure rose. "Short..."

Holly gulped. ' _Think fast Holly, think fast_.' "Commander, I used up my Magic healing from a... wound that the troll inflicted on me. I-"

Cue chewing out by Commander Root for both not having Magic and being a liar.

Holly sighed as she climbed into the air above the restaurant, despondent. "Great... Now I'm going to be court-marshaled and under scrutiny. Just... D'Arvit."

"Language, miss Short," an equine voice intoned through her speakers. "For what it's worth, it was a good use of LEPrecon technology. Maybe we can get some mileage out of how you took down that Troll."

Holly cocked an eyebrow, no doubt seen by Foaly, the ever-present centaur. Climbing higher into the night sky, her feet scraping the clouds, Holly sighed into the speakers. "I don't know. I'd hardly be the first LEPrecon officer to take down a Troll solo."

"The first female officer, though," Foaly said, trying to cheer Holly up.

For what it was worth, Holly snorted. "I'm a lot of firsts, aren't I?" she admitted. As she slowly climbed above the clouds and watched the starry sky roll above her and the rough earth pass below her, Holly opened the filters on her helmet and breathed the cold air. It was laced with human pollutants and stirred by their aircraft, but there was nothing, nothing, quite like surface air.

* * *

The soft loam beneath her feet was enough to convince Holly to take her helmet off. Fully free from the stifling confines, the young elf (by Faerie standards, eighty was young) set her helmet down and picked up an acorn. After a moment of thought, Holly sat up a little straighter. ' _Come on, Butler... this is the best target you'll be getting tonight..._ '

PSSSH. The world returned to its blurry qualities. Holly gasped theatrically, and collapsed into the soil. Acting quickly, she stowed the acorn into her boot, waiting for the Mud-Boy to come.

And come he did. Artemis Fowl advanced on Holly, looking down at her from behind mirrored glasses. "Hmm... well, miss Faerie, it seems we've caught you."

Holly, for show, overlaid her voice with the _Mesmer_ , an attempt to control Artemis' will. "No, Mud-Boy. I've caught you."

Artemis adjusted his mirrored glasses. "Quite. Butler, if you would."

Butler flipped the rifle over and reared back. Holly realized what Butler would be doing, and rolled her eyes. "I'll get you ba-"

Clunk. Thump.

* * *

For the second time in so many hours, Holly awoke to blurs, indistinct noises, and the rotten smells of fumes. The silence was new, though.

Sitting up in her cot, Holly glanced around the cell that had become her room. The door was sealed, a camera was in the corner, the concrete was empty, and Artemis Fowl was standing by, staring at Holly. The elven woman chuckled slightly. "You already trust your prisoner enough to leave the room empty, save for yourself? Better watch it, Artemis: better men than you have been undone by lesser mistakes."

"It's hardly a mistake if it is all according to plan, Holly," Artemis said. Pulling off his mirrored glasses and blinking his mismatched eyes, Artemis sighed. "But this... again."

Artemis transposed himself to Holly's side of the room and sat on the bed. "Another temporal reset? Again for no reason?"

"I know," Holly muttered, her surprise lacing her tone. "Everything was the same again at the Restaurant. Same kid, same speech, even the same problem with my Magic." Holly's hand slipped to her eye. "And this again... our eyes. How is this possible?"

"Magic abides by a complex establishment of rules, but they are rules that would permit time travel. Perhaps it is merely the translation of neurological data across the medium of space time, but this model is... flawed, at best. And if it were true... how would I remember what happened after I had died the first time?"

Holly opened her mouth and closed with a click of her teeth. "Artemis..."

"There's nothing to worry about, Holly. It never happened," Artemis intoned, expertly hiding his discomfort with the topic. "I must admit, though, I do lack the information necessary to draw an accurate conclusion. In all honesty, we altered the timeline to a truly ludicrous degree. How could different circumstances produce similar results?"

Holly shrugged. In the first timeline, they'd been working... well, blind. The last time, though, they'd had three critical pieces of information to work on: Opal Koboi's guilt in supplying the Goblin gangs with Softnose laser rifles, the location of Turnball Root, and the time when and if Hybras would arrive on Earth. Those three facts effectively headed off almost all of the problems they would have encountered.

Almost all, of course, was not every single one. For example, Leon Abbott had nearly managed to crash Hybras into the moon, and Minerva and Billy Kong's interference had been so much worse than they had expected. Fortunately, between a powerful demon warlock, a trainee imp apprentice, the man mountain named Butler, a small squadron of LEPrecon specialists, and, naturally, our heroine and hero themselves, the entire mess was nearly averted.

They still ended up landing several days outside of what they had projected, but oh well. It had been rather fun, even, seeing how far Artemis and Holly could use their foreknowledge of events to influence what would and wouldn't happen.

It had been a joyride. They even managed to avoid dying once! Now though, they were back. Again.

Holly sighed and squeezed at the bridge of her nose. "Alright, Arty. What's the plan?"

"The plan?" Artemis said, obviously dislodged from his train of thought involuntarily. "Oh yes, the plan. The plan from here on out is our original plan. Or rather, my original plan. Just with fewer Trolls."

Holly rolled her eyes. "So... you want to repeat what happened the first time this all happened? Despite everything that's gone wrong?"

Artemis smirked. For Artemis Fowl, what went wrong wasn't a setback: it was a challenge. "Holly, I do believe that what doesn't kill you is a perfect learning opportunity, and since time is going to repeat itself again, then now is an excellent time to be taught."

Holly groaned. "I always hated school."

Artemis stood up and walked to the door. Throwing open the cell door, he stepped past Butler, who fell in behind him. "Artemis, should we expect any issues with our prisoner?"

Artemis shook his head. "Not tonight, Butler. Not tonight."

* * *

 **1.3: Ad Infinitum**

* * *

Artemis suppressed a sigh as, for the fifth time, he found himself crouched in a cold hiding hole in a bog in the middle of Ireland. The chill air didn't help hold back his shudder.

Butler, bless his massive heart, could sense the change in his charge's disposition. "Artemis?" The word, innocuous, carried unfathomable weight.

Artemis turned his head minutely, hiding the suddenly hazel eye he had developed. Despite Butler's total loyalty to him and full willingness to believe him when he had explained that he was time traveling, Butler hadn't been fully able to deal with the situation immediately. It was best that Artemis wait for a while. "I'm having one of those 'gut feelings' you brag about. I think tonight is the night, Butler."

Butler's grip tightened around the gun ever so slightly. Artemis held in his sigh and waited as Madame Ko's disciple returned to staring stoically out at the tree and river bend.

Predictably, Holly touched down just beyond the riverbank, pulling her helmet off. Artemis gently tapped Butler's shoulder, a sign to be patient. "Trust me, Butler, we need to wait."

Holly had scrounged up an acorn and was now digging into the soft, loamy soil. What Butler and Artemis couldn't see was that Holly was stashing handfuls of dirt into her boot, along with a second acorn. Presently, the elf stepped aside from her hole, cradling the acorn. "Now, Butler."

The hiss of the air rifle was herald to Holly slumping against the tree. "Urgh... what? No..."

'She's being overly dramatic,' Artemis thought. Extracting himself from the hole, he led Butler to the rapidly fading elf. "Hello, Faerie."

Holly glanced at Artemis and growled dramatically. "Human, your will is mine."

Artemis rolled his eyes underneath his glasses. "Goodnight, Faerie," he said menacingly. Stepping over the faux-unconscious elf who was rapidly becoming actually unconscious, Artemis grabbed the helmet she had 'conveniently' dropped and turned it over, allowing it to partially capture his face. Needn't make it too easy for the Faeries. "Well, Faeries, I believe we have a game to play."

Artemis inverted the helmet, reached into the guts, and hit the connection switch. The connection terminated.

* * *

The plan was flawless. Every cog spun as it had to, and each and every action that was predicted came to pass. Without fail, the Lower Elements Police stormed Fowl Manor, knocked out Artemis, Butler, and Juliet, and summarily mind wiped them. As Artemis felt his consciousness seeping into the carpet he lay on (courtesy of a low-power shot from Holly's Neutrino), he smiled.

 _'Perfect work, Holly...'_

* * *

Artemis Fowl was in shock, a truly rare occurrence. Similarly, Butler and Juliet were stunned. The only person who was acting anywhere approaching normal was Angelina Fowl, happily walking about the Fowl's kitchen, putting together a bowl of cereal (despite Butler's immediate offer to cook his standardly lavish morning meal). Angelina was smiling and eating and talking about Christmas preparations.

Juliet finally composed herself. "Miss Fowl, are you... feeling alright?"

Angelina smiled, albeit a wilted, weakened smile. "Oh, I'm fine. I am hungrier than the dickens though." A bit of life bled back into Angelina's smile. "So hungry I'm saying 'dickens'."

Artemis' shock at seeing his mother, his mother who just yesterday had been mad with grief, broke at the sight of her smile. Instantly, Artemis was transformed from a teenage mastermind with plans for global control to a young boy looking at his healed mother. He rushed to her and hugged her.

Behind it all, though, Butler was quiet. Thoughts of confusion and suspicion danced in his head, half-remembered thoughts building in his shaven cranium. The master bodyguard then looked at his charge, holding dearly on to his mother, and decided to suspend telling Artemis his suspicions until later. Even he wouldn't ruin this moment.

* * *

The days rolled by. Artemis, in his elation, had temporarily suspended all plans and designs. Currently he was trying to enjoy what time he had with his mother. The sudden interlude from the status quo was jarring to the Butler siblings, though. Juliet was honestly surprised and disturbed by Artemis' sudden shift in demeanor, to the point of discomfort in his cheerful company. Butler did share her sentiment to a lesser degree. Artemis had been... well, a rather disturbing child for so long that his sudden alteration to cheer and even the rare smile was a shock.

Butler had been taking the change in stride, though. Artemis had, for so long, struggled to shoulder the burdens of an adult that he had forgotten to be the child he was. Seeing him acting like this was both comforting and uncanny.

Beyond this, though, Butler didn't strongly worry for Artemis' health. His teacher, Madame Ko, had long stressed the safety of the principle, and with Angelina back around and Artemis temporarily acting his age, Butler could rest a little easier than the night before, and take care of what nascent responsibilities he had outside of Artemis. Like answering the door.

The doorbell had been unexpected and had drawn Butler to the front door to answer it. His training and instincts were telling him that something was up, as they had since Angelina had first returned to the land of the lucid. Glancing through the window, Butler froze at what he saw, before hastily yanking the door open to confirm what he saw. He would later spend a few hours kicking himself for such a blatant mistake, especially considering it could have resulted in his death from a bomb, or assassins. It was Artemis Fowl Sr., though: he took precedence over everything.

Butler had already pulled his phone out and dialed in for an EMT. "Yes, I need emergency assistance. We've found an unconscious man on our doorstep. Artemis! Angelina! We need an ambulance. I am taking his pulse now."

Butler gently checked Mr Fowl's pulse through his wrist, relieved to feel its gentle, rhythmic beat. "He is breathing, his pulse is normal... his name is Artemis Fowl Senior... No, he does not seem to have any specific abrasions or scars... Everything is as it should be..."

Angelina shrieked behind Butler and forced herself around the mountainous man. Butler stood up hastily, still relaying information through the phone to the doctor on the other side. Next to him, staring numbly at his joyfully sobbing mother and blissfully unconscious father, was Artemis, silently stunned.

Then Artemis pulled himself into the hug, embracing his parents. Butler decided that was good.

"...Sir?" the EMT on the other side of the phone said.

"Yes, I believe he will be fine. We'll all be fine."

* * *

Artemis opened the laptop, clicked through a selection of applications, and opened a voice log. "Audio log, date December sixteenth, twenty eleven. Today is Myles and Beckett's fourth birthday, and both are being rather... demanding, as usual."

Artemis wiped at a stray line of paint on his face. "The day is proceeding well regardless. The cake is up to par, even if the piñata was substandard. I must find some way to improve this infernal device. Certainly removing the blindfold and introducing skill to the game would be sufficient."

"Father and Mother, by all appearances, are enjoying themselves today. I would imagine that Myles' little stint as his own face painter is what achieved the effect. Myles is... getting better."

"Beckett seems to refuse to be outdone. He's already deduced all of his presents, bar Butler's. I will hand it to Butler, his grasp of children's psychology is impressive. No doubt he developed the skill after years of service to myself. The picture books were a nice touch to Beckett's cache though."

Artemis rubbed at his forehead. "Beyond this situation though... there is something else. A 'gut feeling' as Juliet would have called it. It's quite disturbing... as if I've forgotten something. I simply cannot... put my finger on it. Déjà vu may be an applicable... no..."

Artemis steepled his fingers, thoughtful. "I simply cannot -"

* * *

Artemis, having regressed from age eighteen to age twelve in an instant, was left in a certain amount of disorientation. After a moment of concentration, though, Artemis' memories returned with a metaphorical snap of his fingers. Artemis resisted the urge to chuckle as he recognized that he and Butler were ensconced in the blind that he had designed to conceal them from Faerie thermal imaging technology. It seemed that his little experiment had succeeded: memories, even those which had been removed by a mind wipe or destroyed by virtue of resurrection from death, were restored after time reset to this critical moment.

Artemis smiled and settled in for the long night. He and Holly had many, many more experiments to run, and it seemed all the time in the world to run them.

* * *

 **1.4: Eternity**

* * *

In a small cafe just inside of London, Artemis Fowl sipped a glass of spring water. Butler stood next to him at full attention. Surrounding Artemis and Butler were some of the deadliest assassins in Europe, a hodgepodge of private military contractors, former KGB and NRA, Swiss soldiers, and of course Miss Juliet Butler. If Artemis could recall correctly, this happened to be the exact composition of violent folk who had been hired by Jon Spiro to kill him after he presented the C Cube.

Naturally though, Artemis had brought these men onto his payroll. Best to use your knowledge of the future, should you have it. He had already lived this point of his life seven times before. The eighth iteration would not be the point where he began to neglect his foreknowledge, and he planned to never allow Butler to experience the same tragedy that had nearly take his life the first time.

Artemis sipped his water again, slipping into his 'professional' mode. This did not, in any manner, significantly depart from his 'resting' mode, but it allowed him to be slightly more snarky. Addressing his oldest... well, second oldest friend now, Artemis spoke softly. "Butler, are you certain that your 'suit' is fitted well?"

Butler pulled at the high end Armani suit that Artemis had ordered for him in preparation for this job. "Artemis, if you are so worried about this, why did you arrange to meet Spiro here? Did you intend to enrage him to the point he would personally make an attempt on your life?"

"No Butler, but I do intend to exact a modicum of justice on this man," Artemis said. His tone left his control though, and the word 'justice' edged from being 'spoken' to 'growled'. Artemis frowned as he spoke.

Butler glanced at his charge. "Artemis, are you certain -"

"Absolutely."

In a manner that someone may have viewed as showy but Artemis simply saw as mediocre, the aging bastard known as Jon Spiro walked into the cafe, his bodyguard Arno Blunt in tow. Artemis marshaled and marshaled again his features, burying the abject disdain for the two men beneath layers of false joviality and pride. He was going to enjoy this. "Mister Spiro, welcome to London."

"Heh. Almost wished I'd stayed in Chicago," Spiro muttered. Grabbing a seat, the elderly business man grinned like a viper at Artemis. "So, mister Fowl, I have to admit I wasn't expecting someone quite like you."

"Someone older? Age is irrelevant in terms of genius," Artemis intoned, aware of the hypocrisy. "If you had such little confidence in my skills as an inventor, why would you have humored me with a visit?"

Spiro cackled venomously. "Well, when the great Artemis Fowl calls, what is there to do but answer? Besides, I liked your proposal. An entirely new frontier in technology? I'm looking for bit of newness at my age."

Artemis cocked an eyebrow. "And I take it that this has nothing to do with your competitors suddenly gaining a significant profit in stock?" A profit Artemis had caused, though no one needed to know about it.

Spiro growled. "Phoenix Tech is working on my foundation, ya hear me. I'm gonna wipe them out once we get your tech on the market."

Artemis nodded and smiled a smile that would have made a vampire proud. "What is this 'we' you are implying? A partnership? Hardly."

Jon blinked. "What the..."

Artemis scoffed. "The C Cube is an instrument of immense computational power. Do you really believe I would have parted with such a masterpiece?"

Spiro returned the scoff. "Well, well, the bird has some teeth. That masterpiece of yours sounds like quite the little jack in the box. Though I speak too soon. Who'd put their eggs in one basket when they haven't even seen what the basket is capable of?"

"A fool," Artemis stated. Leaning forward slightly, Artemis addressed the cube. "Cube, respond."

"Yes, Master Fowl," the Cube responded.

"Perform medical scan on subject Jon Spiro, relaying biochemical graph of notable substances in quantities exceeding biological norms within his body."

"Scanning," the Cube said. "Scan complete. Subject Jon Spiro currently has trace quantities of: Acetylene, Acetone, Bitropodoxin, Capchalogite, Methamp-"

Jon Spiro put an hand on the cube, silencing it. "How did it do that?" he asked in a strained tone.

Artemis' evil grin grew. "The Cube possesses a unique scanning function that enables it to process data from organic, analog, or digital means, along with several others I won't bore you with. Care to try it out?"

Spiro narrowed his eye and then spoke. "Cube. I have been dealing with several recent, shall we say, invasions of privacy. Detect and list all surveillance devices in the vicinity."

"Scanning, Mr Spiro," the Cube answered with just a slight intonation of disgust. "Scan complete. Currently, three unmarked vans are within range of this café. Two appear to be in the ownership of the CIA, while the third is an unknown party, most likely in your employ. An array of CCTV cameras are surrounding the café, though none are directed at us. Finally, a news van is parked down the street and is filming, though there is again no direct visual of this group. Summary complete. Would you like to listen again?"

"Nope," Spiro said. He reached forward and wrapped a hand around the cube, only for another hand to cover his own. Spiro glanced up at Artemis. "Boy... I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Artemis and Butler remained still, Artemis' hand firmly on the C Cube. "You and what army?" Artemis asked, indulging himself in theatrics.

Spiro frowned and looked around. None of the hitmen he had hired were moving, or even looking their way. Had he been slightly smarter, it would have occurred to him that Artemis had bought them off. Spiro glanced at Arno. "Well."

Arno pulled a gun out of his coat, and then Butler's hand lashed out like a cobra, knocking the safety on. Butler proceeded to pull the gun from Arno's hand, remove the receiver, eject the clip, and pull the firing pin before squeezing the gun's metal ever so slightly, ruining it.

This all happened in three seconds flat.

Blunt and Spiro stared at the disassembled gun and at Butler, before going back to Artemis. Artemis smiled, and removed Spiro's hand from the Cube. "Cube, cease recording and transmission."

"Recording and transmission ceased," the Cube said. Spiro went paler than a sheet.

"Record..."

"Congratulations, Spiro, you've had your bodyguard pull a gun on a minor. Bravo. Enjoy your stint in prison." Artemis stood, nodded to Spiro, and left the building.

Then all the hitmen and women in the room turned to stare at Spiro. The elderly bastard gulped. "Mommy."

Outside the bar, Butler glanced at his ward. "Artemis, what was that?"

"Revenge," Artemis admitted.

And revenge was sweet.

* * *

 **1.5: Till Death**

* * *

Deep beneath the earth, a small, luxury stealth shuttle barreled through the deep, dead magma tubes that made up the Faerie tunnel network. Inside the shuttle, five beings (three pixies, one elf, and one human) were either strapped down or moving about the cabins. One of the pixies, the ever-insane Opal Koboi, smirked at her human and elf prisoners. "I would have thought you two would have been a more difficult fight, and though obviously I was wrong, I do prefer this arrangement."

Artemis and Holly rolled their eyes. "I would have rather liked to disappoint," Artemis muttered to Opal.

Opal grinned a maniac's grin. "Oh, but a boy such as yourself must have had fun. After all, being taken by a beauty such as..." Opal winked lasciviously.

Artemis glanced at Holly. "Hon, I think this silly floozy is trying to seduce me."

"Sweetums, I can only imagine the reasons why she wouldn't," Holly replied with equal sarcasm.

Opal mock-pouted. "Ooh, you two are always such spoilsports. Can't a little pixie have her fun?"

Holly glanced at Artemis. Artemis glanced at Holly. And the two burst out laughing.

Opal blinked. "Um... what?"

"Hahaha-have your fun? If you think this is fun for you, then it's a game for us," Holly choked out.

Artemis suppressed his snickers as Holly continued. "Koboi, you don't know what you're dealing with. You're working against the best, let me repeat, the best Lower Elements Policewoman under the world, and most certainly on it. I am allied with humanity's finest and most devious mind. And then there's the fact that your plan is insane."

Opal bristled, her slowly building fury fighting against her common sense... or what was left of it in her psychotic mind. "My plan is insane? No, you're insane. You've lost it if you're going to antagonize me."

Artemis rolled his eyes. "Koboi, to reiterate a point that has been stated more times than you've pulled off this little plan of yours, you have long since passed the point of average, everyday evil, and have graduated to cartoonish super villainy. Due to my preparations, I would imagine that Butler, Mulch, possibly even Major Trouble Kelp, have already interfered with the launch of the Zito core probe. Opal, the only act that remains is to escape and bring you to justice in Haven. I am sure that Foaly and Trouble will be looking forward to throw you in jail... assuming Holly does not succeed in performing the act first."

Opal's temper flared, stray sparks of Magic flicking on her hands. "Cartoonish... Fowl, I am going to enjoy seeing the Trolls rip you two to shreds." After a moment, though, a look of tranquility overtook Opal's face. "Yes... You two shredded by Trolls. Mmm... a happy thought, aren't I right?"

"Right..." Holly drawled.

"Mervall!" Opal called through the shuttle's cabin. A moment after her call, Mervall Brill, one of her two henchmen, entered the room. He very pointedly averted his eyes as Opal gestured him over. "As you can imagine, being looked at directly is terrible for my skin. I find it rather detestable."

"Is that an invitation to HURK!"

Artemis and Holly stared Opal dead in the eyes for a millisecond before glancing down at Artemis's chest. The smoking hole that Opal had blasted in it with Mervall's Softnose laser rifle glowed back at them. Artemis seized and passed out from the pain. Holly slowly gasped. "No..."

Opal giggled as Artemis' corpse sagged. "Oh what a lovely day. Wh t a lo-o-o-/yyyy$ 2)(2

* * *

Holly jumped awake in the restaurant in Italy that she always started in. The LEP were racing around, trying to contain/cover-up the Troll attack, Root was screaming at her, and one thought was on Holly's mind. "Artemis."

"What?" Root said.

Holly leapt up, engaged her wing rig, and launched out the window she had rode in through. "SORRY COMMANDER!" she called behind herself, even as she rocketed into the atmosphere, heading to a small, ancient tree perched on a river bend in Ireland.

* * *

Artemis Fowl gasped as his awareness snapped back into his twelve year old body. Without ado, he staggered out of the blind and made it ten feet before doubling over and spewing forth the contents of his stomach. All the while his hand grasped at his whole, untarnished chest, searching for the hole his subconscious screamed was there.

"ARTEMIS!" Butler roared, racing to his young charge's side. The premier guardian scooped up the heir, visually examining him. Artemis, on the surface, was hale and hearty, even if he was fighting down what little bile his body still possessed. The lack of visual cues to his sudden change in health was not something that soothed Butler's fears. "Artemis, we're going to the hospital."

"What?" Artemis choked out, green in the face as he swallowed sick. "No... Butler, no."

"I'm not asking Artemis," Butler said, turning to leave, abandoning the blind and the supplies. "You're ill, and we're going to see a doctor and learn why."

"Butler..."

Domovoi Butler looked into his charge's mismatched eyes.

"Domovoi, we stay."

Instantly, Butler's decisiveness evaporated under Artemis shocking statement. Shaking off the confusion, Butler set Artemis down and, after inhaling deeply to rest his nerves, the student of Madame Ko spoke. "Artemis, how do you know my name?"

Artemis made his way, slowly but steadily, to the gnarled tree. "It is a long story, Butler. To be concise... I am a time traveler, and now I need to speak with Captain Holly Short. She'll be arriving soon to perform the ritual. We won't need the mirrored glasses."

Butler sighed quietly, accepting the complete alteration of his world as Artemis stated the facts. "If you say so, Artemis."

Artemis gently sat himself down at the base of the tree, letting the natural curve of the oak become his cradle. "I'll give a more expansive explanation in time, Butler. I merely wish to use some of that time to rest."

Butler didn't respond, instead turning around and returning to the blind to collect his Glock sidearm and the pneumatic rifle. Artemis made no comment as Butler took to a defensive position and rested.

Presently, the nearly silent hum of wings and a flying blue speck falling from the clouds heralded Holly's arrival. Pulling her helmet off, the Elf ran to Artemis' side and knelt to eye level. "Artemis, do-"

"Yes, Holly."

Holly sighed, her breath escaping her explosively. "Gods, that was too much. Without you... D'Arvit."

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Did something happen while I was away?" he asked nonchalantly, as if his death were a trivial detail.

Holly pulled her helmet off and looked at Artemis. "That's... It's not important right now, Artemis. Just tell me that you're okay."

"...I'm alright," Artemis said.

It was at that moment that Foaly remotely switched the speakers of Holly's helmet on, and patched Root into Holly's comm line. "Short, do explain to me why you are making googly eyes at the Mud Boy, why you have disregarded protocol to meet with him, and why you're -"

Holly switched the helmet speakers off and slipped the helmet back on. "Commander, we're dealing with a significant issue at the moment. Namely, time travel. I'll let Artemis handle the details for you."

Foaly broke into the conversation. "Time travel? What, have you gone Section 8 on us?"

Holly glanced at Artemis and Butler, who were discussing the situation in hushed tones. "Something like that, Foaly. Yeah, something like that."

* * *

 **1.6: Job Titles.**

* * *

There was a knock at Artemis' door. The prodigy boy, having not been expecting the knock, eventually answered it himself. The person standing at the door was... surprising.

Holly Short was at the door, in a green three piece suit with a belted hat and pointed shoes. In short, the attire of the stereotypical leprechaun. The leprechaun pulled off her hat, reached in, and pulled out a pot of gold. "Room and board? Because I am so done this time."

Artemis took the pot of gold, which turned out to be a big mistake. After barely avoiding the unsightly crushing of his toes, Artemis pulled a gold coin out of the pot and bit it. Seeing as the gold did not bend, Artemis took it to be genuine (since real gold coins did not bend when bitten). "I would take it that something rather... disturbing has occurred."

"You don't say," Holly grumbled. Flopping gracelessly down on a couch in the Fowl's living room, Holly kicked up her feet. "I don't get it. This is the twenty first time we have lived in this period. The twenty first time you've been twelve. Why is this loop different from all the others? How could this have happened?"

Artemis sat on a loveseat, reclining slightly. "Holly, may I say I have no idea why this iteration of time is any different from the previous twenty recurrences. Though..." Artemis chewed on his cheek, thinking. "If I recall correctly, my obsession with Faerie-kind is... non-existent."

"Meaning no time travel," Holly surmised.

"Meaning I never encountered myself after selling Jay Jay, which in turn leads to my past self never learning of Faeries or being poorly mind-wiped by No 1. Which means that I never sought out Faeries, and in turn, never tried to kidnap you."

"Well, I ended up in your grasp anyway," Holly muttered. She stretched out and sighed. "So, looking forward to having a real leprechaun under your roof?"

"Lepre-what?" Juliet Butler said as she walked into the room. Then she saw Holly and Artemis and threw up her hands. "Uh... I didn't walk into some sort of role-play, did I?"

Artemis clicked his tongue. Holly facepalmed.

This would be a long six years.

* * *

 **1.7: One Woman Army**

* * *

 _The volcano of Hybras_ :

Scrambling up the ashen, craggy slopes of the mountain, Artemis, Qwan, and No. 1 finally reached the lip of the crater, looking down into the gaping, smoking maw. Far below them, Leon Abbott and his army of Demons had formed up into their ranks, prepared to escape their temporal limbo and enter the human world. If none of those present had been aware that Demons were merely another family of Faerie, they would have thought they had walked into a religious apocalypse. As it was, the sight remained one of great awe and inspiration for Artemis: a true demonstration of the potential of Magic and Magical manipulation, even if this was his thirty-fourth time seeing it.

Artemis pulled a megaphone out of the bag of supplies Holly had been lugging around since their arrival. "You have any words for them, Qwan, No. 1?"

Qwan shook his head. "I'll let you lead, Artemis. I'm still trying to figure out how much Magic we'll need to move Hybras back to earth. No. 1?"

The fledgling Imp warlock shook his head. "I don't think I really have anything to say right now... oh, see that guy at the head of the army? That's Abbott."

"Duly noted," Artemis said. Flicking the megaphone on, Artemis addressed the demonic army bent on raising hell on earth. "Attention, jackasses."

The army visibly ground to a halt at Artemis' loud address, broke from their collective revelry. Artemis followed up. "The demon who is leading your armed forces -"

"A MUD MAN!" an Imp screamed from inside the crater. Around him the other Imps began screaming, either in confusion or bloodlust. The elder demons started shouting them back into order, but very little would contain them.

Amongst the fully warped demons, Leon Abbott marched out and stared up at the lip of the crater, sneering. "A human? Here? How is such a thing..." Abbott trailed off as he noticed the two Imps alongside Artemis. "YOU!"

"Us," No. 1 said laconically. Qwan raised an eyebrow as he noted the oddly familiar demon. He had been told that Abbott had been in the original war against the Mud Men and had been thrown forward in time, but he hadn't been told Abbott's identity as N'zall, or that he was controlling the Magic of his apprentice Qweffor. Artemis hadn't any way to verify such claims before, and so had elected to suspend explanation of the facts to a later time.

Abbott thrust his sword at Qwan. "Traitor! You're the leader of the Warlocks, who stole our rightful victory from us at the battle of Taillte!"

"Hey guys, I'm all set up back here," Holly said from behind the crater. Artemis, Qwan and No. 1 all stopped staring at the demon army to check on Holly's hard work.

Qwan shrugged. "If it comes to that, then it does."

"Good," Holly said, cresting the lip and leveling a very big Neutrino at Abbott's head. "Goodbye, snakes head." The rifle pulsed, and Abbott fainted. The Demon Army very, very quickly dissolved into complete chaos from there, before turning on the demon pair and their itinerary. Artemis, Qwan and No. 1 ducked beneath the slope of the volcano and waited.

Five minutes (thirty in the case of some Demons and Imps, thanks to screwy time mechanics) later, Holly holstered the hilariously oversized and overpowered Neutrino onto her back and stared down at the field of unconscious, prone demons that had once been a fearsome army. "Well, that was fun."

Artemis pulled a nuclear fusion battery out of the bag that Holly had brought up the mountain. "Well, now. Abbott is down, so we have an opportunity: we have the power, the mages, and the spell. We just need to land the island."

"If I recall correctly, Artemis, we needed five Magical beings, and only have three: myself, No. 1, and Holly. I thought you were smarter than this," Qwan said.

Artemis smiled and allowed a small spark of Magic to erupt from his hand. "I was getting to that, Qwan. Leon has some… advantages, so to say, over the average demon. Trust me: I am not merely smart. I am exceptional."

Holly pulled the fusion battery and heaved it over her shoulder. "Are we ready? Because with time running in, up, left _and_ out, we'll need to hurry." Holly hopped over the edge of the volcano and began to slide down the ashen banks.

"Allow me to correct myself," Artemis said after a moment of watching Holly's back. " _We_ are exceptional."

* * *

 **1.8: Rabbit Time**

* * *

The temporal iterations, as Artemis referred to them, were an utterly fascinating phenomenon. It was a purely physical reset for all of reality, excluding himself and Holly. Only memories carried over, and if those memories were removed during the iteration, they were restored at the beginning of the next. Beyond that, the only physical mark of the iterations was... well, the hazel eye in Artemis' left socket.

He couldn't explain why he had kept Holly's eye, or why she had kept his. It had certainly made for a number of awkward conversations, though, seeing as it only manifested when the iteration occurred. In Holly's words: it was downright weird.

Artemis was quite in agreement with the sentiment.

Hence why he intended to plumb the depths of the strangeness of time this fine, if hot, day. This was the reason why he and his faithful bodyguard Butler were standing in the hot sun in Barcelona, Spain. They were waiting for a very particular demon to arrive, Butler waiting vigilantly (with a brace of silver chains running up his arm to pull Artemis back to the present) and Artemis himself, quite naked of silver ornaments, patiently awaiting their temporal visitor.

Presently, Butler spoke. "Artemis, are you certain that your so-called 'demon' will be arriving soon?"

"Absolutely, Butler. Precisely three minutes and forty-seven seconds out, if you are wondering. Once they have arrived, you must be sure to take me by the shoulder. Remember?"

"Absolutely, Artemis," Butler stated, having already gone through the scenario several dozen times within his head. Artemis claimed that his preparations would be sufficient to deal with almost any contingency, though he had welcomed Butler to fashion his own emergency plans. Hence why, not two blocks away from Artemis and Butler, Juliet and Holly were sitting in a black, heavily armored sedan, recording the situation from a distance.

Inside the sedan, Holly brought up a holograph of the area surrounding Artemis and Butler's location, a mosaic of red and green dots on a canvas of blue lines. "This is Commander Holly Short, radio check seven. T-minus two hundred and twenty seven seconds. All units channel in."

"Unit one, in."

"Unit two, in."

"Unit three, locked and loaded."

"Unit four, good to go."

"Unit five, all visuals checking out."

"..."

"Unit seven, cocked, locked and ready to rock."

"Unit eight, in. Frond damnit, Grub, get off your ass."

"But mummy said-"

"Corporal," Holly growled through the comm link.

"Ugh. Unit six, in."

Holly checked in with the outer perimeter squad leader, Raine Vinyaya, and opened a private channel to Trouble Kelp, the local team leader. "Trouble, you think your men are ready?"

Trouble, under Magical shielding and perched neatly on the rooftop directly above and behind Artemis and Butler, channeled up to Holly's private frequency. "Holly, I don't know what to think. You're claiming a demon is going to pop out of thin air and you're letting Fowl go along for the ride?"

"Artemis is our best asset when it comes to the situation. After all, he's the smartest time traveler we have at our disposal," Holly interjected.

"I still think it should be someone with actual training. You're the Commander, dammit. Why not toss yourself in?"

Holly rolled her eyes. "The temporal anomaly of the island of Hybras is something Artemis worked out himself with only a handful of data points and guess work. When it comes to him, he's our best and brightest in this field."

"Right..." Trouble grumbled. "Look, Holly, I still think this is a big mistake."

"He did it the first time, and saved our asses while doing it," Holly countered.

"I know, you told us all that, but can he really handle himself? The mud-boy can barely hold a Neutrino, let alone fight a demon."

"The demon won't be fighting back."

Trouble sighed. "You're sure this will work?"

"No, but if worst comes to worst he'll just have some swapped fingers."

"You're kidding."

Holly rolled her mismatched eyes. "Trubs, I'm giving you my word that Artemis will be our best chance at this."

"Ugh..." Major Trouble Kelp's groan crackled in the airwaves. "Commander, your call. I'll see it through. Just don't call me Trubs."

"Thanks for the warning Trouble. Radio clear." Holly switched back to the public channel and checked the time again. "T-minus 163 seconds to arrival. Signal and recording jams team, get ready and get on your toes. We don't want any surprises."

"Projectors one through three and five and six are good, but projector four has blown a fuse. We're patching it up-"

"No, leave it. Just focus on keeping our working projectors working. We don't want any surprises for the Mudmen up here."

"Affirmative. Radio clear."

Holly pressed the mute button on her headset and grumbled. "At least it's all working out."

"I wouldn't be surprised it was," Juliet said, idly stripping a twenty-two magnum. "Artemis did plan out this entire encounter, and you say you're both time travelers. What could go wrong?"

Holly nodded gently. "We have a lot of practice. I just hate being in the sidelines."

"Well, we can get closer if you want to," Juliet said pointedly.

"No, Artemis planned for us to be at exactly this position. If he says we stay, we stay," Holly pointed out.

Juliet chuckled. "You've been in these... what do you call them, time loops? You've been here way too long: you're imitating my brother now."

"Butler has a good head on his shoulders," Holly said neutrally.

The Eurasian girl next to Holly smiled. "That he does."

Holly grabbed the radio again. "T-minus 100 seconds. Everyone, whatever you're doing, drop it and pick up a gun. Curtains are coming up soon."

The affirmatives rang in, even if Grub's was a little slow. After the response though, Holly bit her lip and channeled up to Artemis' private comm line. "Artemis, are you certain me and Juliet are supposed to be this far back?" she asked in Gnommish.

"Completely," Artemis stated confidently across the link. To the wider world though, they would think he was talking to himself. "You and Juliet must be exactly three hundred feet away: close enough to intervene in a timely manner, but far enough back to avoid suspicion."

"Said suspicion coming from miss Minerva Paradizo," Holly surmised.

Down the street, Artemis glanced at the cafe across from him and Butler, where Minerva Paradizo and her father and bodyguards were taking tea and coffee. For a moment the physically young genius admired the once equally brilliant young girl who had come close to outsmarting him. Then he shook himself out of it and damned his teenaged hormones. "Holly, I assure you, your suspicions is correct. There are many dangers you must be aware of as Commander now, and much riding on you. Julius did not retire for nothing."

Holly nodded to herself. "T-minus fifty seconds Arty. Get ready."

Artemis flinched. "Arty? Really?"

"What?"

"Nothing."

Holly went to the public channel. "T-minus forty. Everybody at the ready."

"Ready!" was the collective statement. Holly smiled.

"Then lets get the show on the road. Holo-projectors?"

"Check."

"Inner perimeter?"

"Check."

"Out perimeter?"

"Check."

"T-minus thirty." Holly shut off her connection for a brief second. "Juliet, start forward. We're going to get closer to Artemis."

Juliet smiled. "Now that's what I'm talking about." She turned the engine over and shifted into first.

"T-minus twenty. Grub, Trouble, are you two ready?"

Trouble glanced at Grub, who had shouldered his Neutrino and was aiming at the approximate spot a Demon would appear. "We're all set here Holly. Give the word."

"Go forward," Holly said to Juliet. The sedan began to roll forward, towards Artemis and Butler. "T-minus ten."

"Commander, what are you doing?" Artemis said through the comm link.

"T-minus five."

Artemis sighed. _'I hope this works.'_

The air, for a second, seemed to bend and flex in front of Artemis, before the holo-projectors his the newly appeared demon to everyone except Artemis and Butler. The tall, red skinned and horned demon, looking like a live children's nightmare, looked at Artemis and Butler. "Salutations from the dear Lady Worthington."

Artemis grabbed the Demon by the shoulder just as Butler grabbed him by the shoulder. "Let's go, demon."

And the world spiraled away.

* * *

Magically induced time travel is not the most exact science, and could even be called an art by more poetic mages. While the form of time travel is simple, merely require a solid entry and exit point, the nature of the power source complicates the manner tenfold. Imagine, if you will, harnessing the power of Mother Nature, channeling it through an emotional, living form, and then using it to bend the most powerful force in the universe. Naturally, time travel is very complicated and prone to flukes and mistakes in equal measure.

Artemis Fowl and his demon companion were now witnessing one of those flukes first hand, falling deep into the temporal rabbit hole. Artemis glanced at the rapidly shifting, dissolving and flickering landscapes of the time stream, as centuries and eons rocketed past both too slow and too fast for a mortal man to see. "Hmm... Calm yourself demon. It seems we are on quite a ride."

The demon Artemis was traveling with had digressed into furious hysterics, but his words brought the Faerie back to it's senses, at least due to shock. "You speak Faerie tongue?"

"Obviously, and much better than you," Artemis muttered. Raising his hands, Artemis concentrated. "Now then... speak to me universe… reveal your secrets."

Slowly, perhaps most like liquid lightning, a sprinkling of blue sparks escaped from Artemis' hands. It was no great quantity; barely a dash, enough to heal a cut, or let Artemis speak Swahili. It was as much as Artemis could easily control, but it was all his own.

Perhaps what had most immediately allowed Artemis to determine that he and Holly were not merely time traveling... other than their eyes of course, was her Magic, and his own. Holly had reported, after the seventh iteration of time, that she seemed capable of retaining a nascent quantity of Magic in her system, certainly more than what she had whenever she began the iteration. By now, the fifty fifth time Artemis and Holly had lived their lives, Holly could stockpile as much Magic as her body would allow. The more surprising addition was Artemis though.

Artemis had made it a policy to steal as much Magic as he could from the time stream when Qwan, No 1, Holly and himself traveled to Hybras. The reasoning he gave Holly was simplistic: Magic was an incredible resource and one not meant to be wasted. Since he could, why shouldn't he?

And yet, to his surprise but not shock, it was during the thirtieth iteration, not four repeats ago, that he found himself able to heal. Incredibly, Artemis, a mere human boy, had gained the Magic of the Faeries. It had stunned him.

Now though, the Magic was needed. Artemis pumped a minuscule amount of his personal Magic into the time stream, the equivalent of fluorescent dye into water. Next to him, the demon watched in silent awe as a mud-man harnessed Magic.

The Magical energies swirled out and melded with the turbulent stream, bonding to it and vanishing. Artemis released another stream, and then another, slowly building his influence. "Now then... take me to Holly."

The time stream, infused with Artemis' Magic and bonded to his emotions... did absolutely nothing. Artemis may have had a humans Magic, but he couldn't time travel. The heir to the Fowl estate frowned as the world shunted into reality around him. "One hypothesis disproven: human Magic, at my level, cannot influence the time... stream..."

Artemis and the demon were coalescing, forming into solid beings. Around them, the world shifted and rounded, but it was unlike any place on earth Artemis could have seen. It could not exist on earth in any manner.

All around Artemis, the branches and leaves of an ineffably huge tree were taking shape. The tree... Was beyond him. Pain surged through his eyes as he gazed into it's depths, swirling and breaking against his mind. Artemis knelt, and screamed.

* * *

Holly screamed in the car, agony lancing out of her eye socket. Her left eye socket. Shutting her eye did nothing to stop the pain, but instead built the reality of what she, what Artemis was seeing, even clearer. "Oh gods..." Holly said as she saw the vast tree Artemis was witnessing.

The LEP commander seized the comm from Juliet, who was already signaling Butler. "Butler, get him out of there, now!"

Across the street, Butler tightened his grip on Artemis' shoulder, planted his feet, and heaved. All of reality seemed to distort, straining to pull Butler into the time stream with his young charge. Butler gritted his teeth, and pulled right back.

With a 'pop' of Magic, Artemis Fowl staggered from the strange, ineffable place he had seen, and back into reality. Butler picked Artemis up, cradled him gently, and casually ran to Juliet and Holly's car, stepping in with speed and grace. "Get us out of here," he ordered gravely. Juliet was happy to comply.

Holly squeezed her all too sensitive human eye shut and opened a comm link to Haven. "Foaly, are you downloading the feed from Artemis' iris-can?"

"Done and done, but... something's wrong," the subterranean centaur said. "There's a segment missing from the cam: approximately seven seconds long, right towards the end. It's like the camera shut down, but it started working the moment Artemis returned."

Artemis leaned forward, his Faerie eye shut against the light. Butler tried to pull Artemis back, but his charge waved him off. "Foaly, would you believe if I told you I saw a giant tree, bigger than the world itself?"

Down below in Haven, Foaly raised an eyebrow. "Define 'bigger than the world itself'."

"Exactly that," Artemis said simply. "I could not succeed in viewing it for an extended period of time. It caused physical pain to examine."

"Artemis, what happened in there?" Butler asked gently, trying to force his young charge back into his seat as Juliet weaved through the streets of Barcelona.

Artemis paused, and then smiled. "I believe I've witnessed another piece of this strange temporal puzzle Butler. Soon, I suspect, myself and Holly will be escaping the curious temporal iterations we are caught up in. All we need is to further examine-"

"No."

"...I beg your pardon?"

Holly glanced back at Artemis, both Faerie and Human eyes open and drilling into Artemis. "Artemis Fowl, under no circumstances are you to attempt to perform such a dangerous task again. Your mind was almost ripped to shreds by... whatever it was we saw in the time stream. As the only military personnel present in this situation, and as your friend, I refuse to let you repeat this act."

Artemis, Butler and Juliet all stared at Holly, who returned to her computer screens and began coordinating the breakup of the LEPrecon's presence in Barcelona. In less than half an hour, no one would know that the Faeries were there, let alone what they had done.

As the streets slowly cleared and Juliet began driving the car towards the distant shuttle station that the LEP had used for staging, Artemis frowned gently, and tapped Holly's shoulder. "Holly, are you certain-"

"Yes, Arty. You're not going back in there."

Artemis, for a moment, thought of rebelling, but soon returned to silence. There were be future iterations, he consoled himself. In time, he and Holly would be free from this strange temporal prison. They wouldn't be alone.

Artemis furrowed his eyebrow. He and Holly weren't alone, they had each other. Which... wait...

Artemis blinked, shook his head from the thoughts, and returned to watching the passing countryside.

In the front seat, Holly finalized the exit strategy and went dark in the radio as the Lower Elements Police began breaking camp. Glancing out the window, Holly watched the beautiful surface world rush past. Human development had long since shattered the peace of nature, but the sights remained, even if slightly diminished. Holly lost herself in her thoughts.

Foaly and the best of Haven's minds had turned on Artemis and Holly's predicament like wolves on rabbits. Repeated, involuntary, mental time travel. It was beyond amazing to them, and they had spent months arguing the facts. With the island of Hybras only three years away from arrival and No 1 set to enter the world soon enough, the chances to study time travel had never been better. The theories were vast and complex and had left Holly rolling her eyes at their incredulity. She wasn't a scientist, she was a soldier. A fighter. The science of the loops, as she called them, would be left to Artemis. She would be the one keeping them alive.

Her job, thus far, had also been to avert as many tragedies as possible. The Goblin Rebellion was squashed easily enough. Opal Koboi was so far behind bars Holly knew she would never see the light of day. Commander Julius Root was alive, well, and retired, living in the remote tropics and getting a tan, enjoying one of Artemis' private islands. With these problems solved, Holly Short was left to watch the world spiral along towards the return of Hybras. This little stint though...

Holly wouldn't lie to herself. After fifty five repeats of time, Holly was beginning to wonder, to worry, when it would end. Six years, by fifty five, plus her own eighty, left Holly feeling older, more jaded, than she knew she had any right to be. She and Artemis had altered the time line so much so many times, saving countless lives in the process. And it all amounted to nothing in the end. Only she and Arty remained.

 _'Only me and Arty...'_ Holly didn't dwell on why or how or when Artemis had become 'Arty' in her mind. She didn't care any more. She knew Artemis almost better than she knew herself: almost two hundred years of time travel would do that to you and the only living being who traveled with you.

This latest stint was their grand attempt: one final try to see how reality was working, why time was looping for them. But having seen... that tree... Holly knew something, deep in herself.

She and Artemis were in for the long haul. They were never getting out.

The time passed. The sun grew low on the horizon, casting long shadows. Artemis and Holly watched the world race by, silent, unheard thoughts echoed between their minds. Strange minds, after all, thought alike.

 _'At least we have each other...'_

* * *

 **A/N: Well, there you go. A new story to love and cherish. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **1.1: Welcome, Master Fowl and Mistress Short. You can check out any time you like,,,**

 **1.2: ...But you can never leave.**

 **1.3: Memories are the key, if you're an AI.**

 **1.4: A dish best served with tap water ice in fresh spring water.**

 **1.5: The strange eons have come. Even death has died.**

 **1.6: Potato, potahto, Sasha Braus.**

 **1.7: Our heroine, everybody. Dynamic and realistic and challenged but undeniably a badass.**

 **1.8: How far down does the rabbit hole go?**


	2. Chapter 2

**2.1: Bent Backwards.**

* * *

Artemis Fowl was squatting in a blind, hidden from Faerie eyes. Butler was crouched in the blind as well, having taken careful aim at the gnarled oak tree that a Faerie was supposed to arrive at. Artemis was left wondering why things sees different, when something noticeable happened.

For a fraction of a second, Artemis was filled with thoughts and memories he could not recall thinking, of emotions and revelations and sudden deductions that were wholly foreign. Artemis blinked, and sat up a little straighter.

 _'I'm... a little girl. Well, this is odd.'_

Artemis clicked his teeth, and screamed internally.

* * *

Holland "Holly" Short did not bother with internalizing her screams. She was screaming and shouting and ranting and once Root had rather gently told her to get a hold of herself (after congratulating her on beating a troll single handedly) Holly had decided that she wasn't going to care. She was already done this loop. She activated her wing rig, and left.

The night sky was quiet... save for her shouts and curses, most of which will be left untranslated from Gnommish for the simple fact that they are quite profane. Though it should be said that D'Arvit featured prominently in her speech.

The flight from Italy to Ireland was a not an uneventful one: Foaly had decided to patch himself in and figure out what had riled up the number one LEPrecon officer. Had Holly been wondering about centaur's word choice, she would have noted that her change in gender had netted her a significant boon, and a few promotions. As it were, she was swearing a blue streak at the empty air, so she didn't dwell on her position as most capable and decorated LEPrecon officer under the world.

The gnarled tree she and Artemis had met at and continued to meet at was still where it was though, and still its same old gnarled form. The little girl standing in its shadow was different though.

"Gods dammit Artemis, tell me you have an explanation for this," Holly said when she landed.

Artemis shrugged. "I couldn't conceive of why our genders would be reversed this iteration. It may simply be a naturally occurring alternate to our history, similar to when you were a Leprechaun. Honestly..." Artemis frowned, twitched his lips, and decided on how to continue. "Fuck this iteration."

"This loop can go to hell," Holly indulged herself in the profanity.

"I refuse to play by the rules of this iteration. I am a young man, and will be treated as such."

"Artemis, I'm going to say right now that I am completely in agreement with you. I am a woman and refuse to deal with this shit."

"Certainly we can discover some manner in which to... Crap..."

Holly broke off her rant at Artemis' sudden change of diction. "What?"

Artemis facepalmed. "Menstruation."

Holly opened her mouth, and then snickered, despite her struggles to stifle it. "It's not that bad."

"I imagine it is."

"As someone who's lived through that before, trust me, it's not too bad."

"I'm going to die of embarrassment."

"Well... You probably are."

"Why does the iterations screw is over?"

"No idea."

Back in the blind, Butler just watched the proceedings with a bored eye, and wondered if he should take the shot. Beneath the earth in Haven, Foaly was left wondering if he should intervene and say something. Both of them had a solid, cohesive thought in their heads: 'What the fuck?'

* * *

 **2.2: Technical**

* * *

"Commander, I've put a lot of thought into this, and I've decided that I want to transfer to another division."

Commander Julius Root bit clean through his fungal cigar, the burning tip falling onto his desk. The disheveled commander had been having a rather rough evening, all said and done. Holly's little stunt, though exemplary in saving the Mudmen in Italy, had gotten the attention of the council, especially since she had entered a human dwelling. Though Holly's actions had led to the survival of every human in the restaurant, she was still to be grilled for it. Damn, if only she wasn't a woman: Julius wouldn't need to be so hard on her.

So when the word 'transfer' had left her lips and found his ears the next morning in his office, the Commander was naturally a little confused. "You... want what?"

Holly ground her teeth and tried to look her commander in the eyes. When she finally managed to, she had to suppress a sigh. Commander Root could have been angry, but the disappointment was more painful. "Commander, after the Troll incident-"

"Why?" Root asked with far too much confusion in his voice. Wincing visibly at his lack of control in tone, Julius tried again. "The Italian Incident was a fluke: a Troll blasted straight to the surface is much too rare for us to have a dedicated task force established. You handled it like a seasoned veteran." Root pressed his fingers together, steepling his hands. "Ye gods, you'd make Major in a few years."

 _'Just two, in fact,'_ Holly thought. Sighing, the LEP captain spoke again. "I know that Commander. But the last mission to the surface, it taught me something. That... No one is going to accept a female LEPrecon officer."

"If this is-"

"I know that you're harder on me to make sure that no one thinks you're playing favorites," Holly interjected. "But not everyone here shares the sentiment that you have. The council wants me out of recon. They don't think a woman can handle herself in this sort of environment, and trust me, they aren't the only ones."

Now it was Root's turn to grind his teeth. "Captain, the first person to break the glass ceiling always get bloody. You'll just need to work at it."

"I know that sir... but if I'm honest I... Seeing the Troll it..." Holly struggled to get the words out. To Root, it was a picture perfect example of genuine discomfort at the realization of her mortality. Holly, rather, was struggling to lie. "Commander, just let me out. Alright. I still want to serve Haven and the Faerie's, but I think I know where I can do it best."

Root didn't answer for several minutes. Instead he pulled another fungus cigar out and cut the end off, lighting it. He let it steep, and took a long drag on it, letting the fumes focus his mind. "Holly, you really mean this don't you?"

"Yes commander."

"And you know that there isn't any way I can convince you?"

"Yes commander."

Root sighed. _'Another loss. At least she isn't dead.'_ The commander of the Lower Elements Police nodded in slow acceptance. "So, you want a transfer? Where to?"

For the first time that morning, Holly smiled. "Foaly's a good friend. How about Applied Sciences?"

* * *

Foaly glanced at the transfer sheet, and then at his new intern. "This is some sort of joke, right? Some crazy joke? Is the punch-line 'my budget's getting cut'?"

Holly shook her head neutrally. "I wanted to be here. Root let me go."

Foaly tried to respond with a witty retort and failed. "What... what are you even doing here? You're smart, as much as the average Faerie, but this is a whole other league. You... is your eye okay?"

Holly blinked her hazel eyes: both of them. "What? My eye is fine."

Foaly was tempted to ask about the solitary blue spark of magic that had flashed in Holly's left eye. Had he been more versed in the minutia of magical occurrences, he probably would have realized that Holly was casting a slight illusion onto her eye to hide her strange new cerulean eye.

Foaly glanced at the spreadsheet that illustrated Holly's technical abilities. What abilities she had anyway. "Holly, are you sure this is what you want to do?"

Holly Short, LEPscience officer, nodded solemnly. "I am certain this is exactly what I want. So let's get to it."

* * *

Trails of numbers, names, locales... They were all symbols, strings of symbols collected to bring about an illusion of sensibility and sanity. Impotent lines of realized ones and zeros, all set up for the pleasure of remembering what Faeries could not. At least, this was what Holly had come to view the ever odious task of "data analysis".

As it turned out, despite what Foaly had eternally displayed for her and Recon, a lot of the technical work that he had his interns doing amounted to little more than grunt work. While the rapid and very consistent advancement of technology had enabled most of the more complex work to be shouldered by computational power, the 'Elven Touch' was always needed, because while a computer could 'comprehend' data, it couldn't 'understand' it (this was how Foaly put it, which was another small thorn in Holly's side).

Perhaps a dash of recollection is needed. Holly and Artemis could hardly say they were anything less than brilliant in their respective fields of applied knowledge and police work: Artemis had gotten into the habit of making billions off of the stock markets, and now he stole to make trillions*. Holly could take a single look at a crime scene and figure out who/when/what and would probably have her Faerie (or Artemis) by the time the day was out.

Thing was though, they were specialized. Holly couldn't hack a mainframe or run an embezzling scheme, and Artemis couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if given a five hour prep (Holly and Butler had done that one loop, not too long ago. Artemis had left the safety on.)

So, with their lack of expertise in these fields, Artemis had sensibly suggested that he and Holly spend a loop, possibly several, training as a fighter and scientist. Holly had almost immediately objected though. She and Artemis had been instrumental in the most important events in the last one hundred years. The revolution, Opal, Spiro, Minerva, Hybras, Jayjay, the Berserkers, not to mention the first time a human had ever kidnapped and ransomed a Faerie.

All that considered... could Artemis and Holly, in good conscience, really change the world's history so thoroughly? It had been an argument that Artemis and Holly had been dealing with for the past few loops, as Artemis argued that the long term gains outweighed the chances of failure in the many more immediate threats, while Holly had very potently reminded him exactly how screwy their history was and how dangerous altering anything could be. After all, Holly and Artemis had time traveled to steal a lemur from past Artemis, and inadvertently given past Artemis the idea to kidnap a Faerie...

...Which led to Artemis kidnapping Holly, and thus setting in motion a beautiful and annoying paradox. Then again, considering how important they and their merry band of wise-asses were to the continued stability of the world, it really shouldn't have been such a surprise. But it wasn't a solid argument to be made, and so, Holly eventually came to agree with Artemis, but on two conditions: she got to arrest Opal Koboi, and he took care of the demon problem.

Artemis had happily accepted the terms, and this led to Holly being sorely tempted to slam her head into console of her computer as she pulled overtime to believably figure out where a gang of Pixies kept getting illegal shellfish into Haven. Doodah Day was on the routes they were flying, she could recognize his style like the back of her hand. The problem was coming to that conclusion with the information she had at her disposal.

Finally though, frustration overwhelmed her will to go on and slog through more troll-shit traffic reports. Holly opened a new screen and, after glancing around to make sure that no one was around, she keyed in a few commands. The computer almost immediately shut her out, but she hadn't been training as a techie to let that stop her. In a few minutes she watched the last of the firewalls recede, and Holly Short was up on the human Internet.

From there, it was trivial to access the Fowl home server from the Internet. The bigger issue was getting through Artemis' own internal defenses. Firewalls, denials of service, more than a few traps, but it wouldn't mean anything if Holly knew the password.

Which she didn't, by the way. Holly sat staring at the password login screen blankly for nearly five minutes, thinking. _'Okay... Let's see what you have here Arty.'_

Holly tapped in a simple phrase: Aurum Est Protestes. "Gold is power Arty. Now is it your password?"

The login screen flashed red. Holly frowned and sat back. Artemis was hardly a simple young computer programmer. He was a prodigy with nigh unlimited skill and totally unlimited time to refine said skill. This meant he could have done whatever he wanted to the system... but then why leave it password protected? Well, for the challenge of it.

So what would be Artemis' password? Certainly it wouldn't merely be a phrase... or rather, not one typed.

Holly seized a mic and jabbed the end into the audio jack. "Aurum Est Potestes."

The screen flashed green, and Holly was in. Holly spared herself a moment to pump her fist in success before surfing the local network. Finally, she tracked down a video messaging application linked to the camera in Artemis' room, and opened it.

A window appeared, and after a second, it flashed from black to full color, revealing Artemis, staring glumly into the frame. Artemis, it seemed, had been tied up and hung from the ceiling... sideways. The morose prodigy blinked as Holly's face appeared on his screen. "Holly? What are you doing here?"

"What do you think Mudboy? I'm checking up on you, seeing if you've cracked yet," Holly teased lightly. The grin she wore took all the venom from her words. Artemis, if only a little bit, grinned back.

"Juliet and Butler decided to give me the, to quote them verbatim, 'Madame Ko light training'." Artemis shifted in his bonds, his head lolling freely. "As you can imagine, this is quite uncomfortable."

Holly nodded in faux-sympathy. "Well, at least you don't need to work through a dozen police reports by idiots who can't tell their pen from their Neutrino." Holly grabbed a sheet of paper that had a laser hole straight through it. "At least you're-"

"If you say 'hanging in there' Holly, I will personally flood the web browser history of your workstation with elvish lesbian pornography," Artemis growled. Then he shook his head. "Actually, no. I'm going to flood it with dwarfish lesbian porn."

Holly opened her mouth, failed to articulate a response, and shut her mouth again. Artemis clicked his tongue. "My apologies, that was poorly executed."

"Artemis... I'm still wondering how you pulled off a joke in the first place."

"...Bill Murray movies," Artemis admitted sullenly.

"Really? Anything good?"

"We should watch Groundhog Day sometime soon. I found it to be quite a show. Perhaps Ghostbusters afterwards."

Holly pursed her lips, and nodded. "Sure. I'll rack up some vacation time and drop by the manor. That alright?"

"Yes, it's quite alright." Artemis struggled in his bonds. "I'm sorry, what did you originally call for again?"

"Just need a way to tell Root about how Doodah Day is smuggling shellfish into Haven. Any ideas?"

Artemis smile was downright vampiric, even if he was hanging sideways. "A challenge? Why Holly, what a brilliant little gift you've given me. It shan't be easy though."

Holly smiled. "It's us. When is it ever?" After a moment, she added; "there's a knot about two thirds down your back. Your hands should be near it. Give it a pull."

Artemis obliged Holly, and prompt fell out of the rope, and into the floor. "Ow."

Holly snickered.

* * *

Neutrino 2000's and later 3000's were the standard weapon used by the LEPrecon, relying upon a specific wavelength and intensity of laser to either deliver a powerful shock to the system of whatever it hit, to burning holes through steel plates. It was Foaly's weaponized masterpiece. Only Opal Koboi could actively improve upon it at the same rate he did. It was nearly flawless.

When those flaws became apparent was when Holly was called in to do maintenance.

Holly glanced over the mishmash of wires, circuit boards, actuators, emitters, and assorted other things that are best left not to be discussed in this paragraph, and selected a small wire from dozens. "This is frayed. I think it was heat shock: it's not supposed to be in that proximity to the diode. Stop pistol whipping people Chix."

Chix Verbal, owner of said Neutrino, was surprised. "How'd you know that? You're not on recon anymore?" A sudden flash of brilliance hit Chix. "Unless you want to be on a recon... maybe tonight?"

Holly took a repaired Neutrino and whipped it into Chix's helmet. She hefted his helmet off of the table he had set it on and handed it to him, before pulling the Neutrino 2000's covering off. "The Neutrino 2000 is pretty damn durable, but it's susceptible to blunt trauma on the base. This isn't the first time I've seen this sort of damage to it."

"Because you broke yours like this?" Chix deduced.

Holly chuckled. "Actually, yeah, I did." Holly snipped off the wire and grabbed a roll of replacement wire. "So, how's the rumor mill with Recon? Still churning out reasons for the reassignment?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," Chix said. "Leading theory: you and the Troll were secretly married."

Holly barked out a laugh. "Now that... That's something. Still not as crazy as the 'female hormones and troll venom idea."

Chix nearly gagged. "Ye gods woman, don't remind me." Chix shuddered. "Can't think I actually believed that one."

Holly handed the Neutrino back to Chix. "Stop bashing goblins over the head with it. It has a stun setting for a reason."

Chix winked his chauvinistic wink. "Now where's the fun in that?"

"You're a policeman Verbal. Your job isn't fun, it's the protection of Faerie-kind from Mudmen... and Faeries," Holly said.

Chix recoiled from the absolutely scornful tone Holly hit him with. "Okay, okay. Jeeze, if it's that important to you why'd you leave?"

Holly pursed her lips and looked away. "Chix... look, you wouldn't believe me anyway. Let's just say I need some training in technical sciences and practical skills outside of police work and leave if at that."

Chix shrugged after thinking it over. "Meh. Thanks anyway." The Sprite took off, helmet and gun in hand. For a few minutes, Holly watched the door he had left from, and tried to set her mind at rest. In a few days, Chix would be on rotation in Goblin Gang territory. The first time he'd been there, Holly had be along with him, and he'd take a later straight through the wing.

If Holly hasn't been there to heal his wing, Chix would have died. Now he was slated to go out again, without Holly along to work with him. If he died... D'Arvit, if he was hurt again, Holly knew she'd abandon the plan.

Holly flicked a pen across her desk. Intellectually, she knew that it meant very, very little in the grand scheme of things... heck, she knew that the grand scheme of things wasn't even applicable anymore. Chix Verbal would be alive in the next loop of time, regardless of her actions in this one. Still... he was Chix Verbal. She didn't want him to die.

No one would know. Artemis would understand. She didn't even need to worry about it. But it wasn't right. So... Holly wouldn't let it happen.

Holly pulled up an armor manifest on her computer and entered the serial number for Chix's suit. She'd need pull a bit of overtime, but it would be worth it, majorly.

* * *

Holly ducked as the goblins took notice of her. Her caution was rewarded as a string laser blasts burned holes in the wall behind her. Holly popped up when the Goblins (stupidly) stopped firing and blasted all six of them with her personal Neutrino. 'Damn, but isn't this easy with working guns.'

Next to her, Raine Vinyaya ducked behind the makeshift cover that the LEP had thrown up around headquarters as the goblin gangs continued to blast away at them. "Good shooting captain. Keep it up and we may make a dent in them before long." Jumping back up, the five hundred year old elf woman blasted another goblin with her rifle before getting back down.

Holly glanced around the LEP's hardscrabble frontline. More than half of the soldiers were unarmed, with them either grabbing stun batons for when the fighting got into close quarters, or shuttling Civilians into HQ. The few officers who were armed were using either the handful of working Neutrino's Holly had managed to hack (having broken Opal's little 'no firing' programming) or were wielding cable charged rifles. Vinyaya had elected to grab an electric rifle, despite it's limited clip.

She hadn't missed yet.

Holly popped over again, a laser from a goblin's battery powered Softnose rifle grazing her shoulder and sending waves of pain through her arm, neck and chest. Holly gritted her teeth and put a knock out blast between the goblin's eyes. Another took aim at her, only for his leg to suddenly develop a bad case of 'laser hole'.

Sliding into their cover, Trouble Kelp ejected the battery clip from his own reclaimed Softnose rifle and forced in a new one. The major smiled at Vinyaya and Holly. "Ladies. I miss anything?"

"Goblins, goblins, and maybe a rat. It's hard to tell the difference," Holly said as her table-turned-barricade started heating up. Sliding next to Trouble as her cover was bored clean through by laser fire, Holly rapped the Softnose. "Good aim."

Trouble shouldered the rifle with a grunt. Faerie culture was highly pacifistic, empathizing compassion and respect for all life. This did not mean that Trouble was above shooting a goblin's leg off if it saved lives though. This, and raw skill, meant he'd yet to kill a single goblin, but had taken down more gang members than anyone save Holly herself.

Another hail of laser-rifle fire crashed against their section of the barricade, before promptly stopping as the goblin's rifles ran out of juice. One even screamed 'RELOADING'! Holly, Vinyaya and Trouble bolted up-

Only for Trouble's helmet to neatly crack in half, Holly to get a hole in her chest, and for Vinyaya's shoulder to catch on fire from the suddenly renewed laser fire. The trio of elves dropped like rocks as it dawned on them they had been duped: the goblins had preloaded backup rifles. It was a perfect trap.

Vinyaya patted the shoulder fire out and murmured, "Heal." The older elf glanced and nearly choked as she saw how badly Holly was bleeding. "Captain Short-"

Holly's magic erupted in a storm of blue sparks on her chest. In seconds, the wound was sealed. Holly pressed a hand to Trouble's forehead, the major woozy from the blast to the head. "Don't get distracted Vinyaya. We have more important things to deal with."

Vinyaya gaped at Holly's... astounding display of magical power. "Captain, what exactly are they teaching you at the academy, in terms of magical healing?"

Holly glanced back at Vinyaya and winked her eye, allowing its natural sapphire to shine through for a second. "Oh, just the usual."

* * *

The attack weaned off after another ten minutes, the firefight retreating into the distant background as the goblins stepped down to reorganize. For the moment, peace had returned, which meant Holly had more and different work to do. "Everyone who had a Neutrino, bring it and a couple Softnose's to me. Get me as many batteries as possible, and I'll get you a working gun."

Rapidly, Neutrino's began piling up at Holly's feet. Holly stripped the covers and gutted the internal computers, before rerouting two wires. The little trick Holly had come up with, which was trickier than she had imagine it would have been, had been inspired by a little stint as a carjacker Artemis had gone through. It wasn't a guaranteed fix, but with nearly half of the Neutrinos...

Holly returned the cover to one Neutrino and experimentally pulled the trigger. Across the square, another hole appeared in the distant wall. Holly smirked and handed the sidearm back to provider. The recon gnome smiled and raced back to his stationing point.

From there, it was rinse and repeat. Holly's efforts obviously didn't work with all of the Neutrinos, but even a handful were a boon to the recon corps. Trouble slipped his Softnose over his back and grabbed a larger Neutrino that Holly had fixed. "Alright gentlemen, ladies. We've got our guns. We know our target. Opal Koboi has shut down our rifles and is working with Briar Cudgeon to try and take over Haven. Anyone want to hazard a guess to where we go now?"

Vinyaya flipped a Neutrino prototype, one of Foaly's little gifts before Opal had locked him in the Ops Booth, and smiled evilly. "Koboi Industrial?"

"Let's take the fight to them!" Trouble shouted.

It was roughly at that moment that several loud rumbling noises heralded the reactivating of Police Plaza's DNA cannons. The assorted elves, gnomes, pixies and sprites turned to stare at the previously inert defensive weapons. The cannons seemed to stare down at the assorted Faeries, before turning to face the nearest encampment of Goblins and blasting them into unconsciousness.

"You're welcome," Foaly's voice echoed through the plaza. The LEP smiled and began to move out. It was time to take down a certain evil pixie.

* * *

"I give up," Artemis muttered into his risotto.

Holly, Artemis and Butler had adjourned to a small, artesian restaurant in Dublin when Holly's vacation time had finally accumulated enough to let her up to the surface. The arrival of the Faerie had been... disquieting to Butler, especially when she stepped out of thin air in front of him. Thankfully, Artemis had already briefed Butler on her presence, if not the reasoning. As it was, Butler had been nothing short of cordial to Holly, especially as he recalled her presence when she had healed Angelina.

Artemis on the other hand had certainly been in a mood Holly would* have described as foul if she had not been certain this would have incurred Artemis' rather thorough wrath. The Irish prodigy was clearly exhausted and seemed sleep deprived, even though Holly couldn't fathom why.

It was once lunch had been served (a simple mushroom risotto for Artemis, steak for Butler, and vegetable stew for Holly), that Artemis elaborated. "Butler's teaching methods are torturous. I sincerely doubt any human who does not possess superior or equivalent muscular strength and endurance to Butler would certainly agree with me."

"Artemis, the training is not at fault," Butler countered. "You lack the dedication to fully commit to the training, and have regularly denied yourself the benefits of more thorough endurance training. You also seem intent on complaining about it whenever you can," Butler explained reasonably.

Artemis sneered lightly, for a moment looking less like the five hundred plus human he was mentally, and closer to a petulant thirteen year old. Being biologically thirteen helped. Artemis mastered his expression though and directed his next statement to Holly. "I'm curious Holly, how has your technician training progressed? Have you yet succeeded in hacking Foaly's mainframe, or perhaps breaking the ram, or injecting the hard drive?"

Holly finished chewing a bite of bread and thoughtfully smiled. "That was sarcasm, wasn't it? You really are getting better at acting your age Artemis."

Artemis frowned. "I am aware of what children my age perpetrate Holly. I am perfectly well in my current derivation of character."

"Whatever you say Mudboy." Holly pulled out a bag of tools. "Well, I can repair my own microwave now. So I'm happy where my skills are now."

Artemis and Butler raised eyebrows, despite Butler not fully understanding the extent of Holly's statement. Artemis spoke thusly: "you can repair a microwave. Is that really all you can do?"

Holly pulled a circuit board out of her bag and pointed it at a waiter's rump. She pressed a button, and after a second, the waiter's rump was on fire. As the waiter began panicking very loudly and wildly, Holly smiled. "I can also do that."

Artemis sighed, but smiled anyway. "Well, at least this wasn't a complete failure."

Holly punched Artemis' shoulder. "That's the spirit Arty."

* * *

 **2.3: Temporary**

* * *

The world snapped into relief with its usual sharp contrast from the previous temporal iteration. The difference was the small lemur that was looking at him. Artemis blinked, and then instinctually petted Jayjay the lemur on the head. _'Now... this is new.'_

In actuality, it was different. Artemis was standing in a small study off of the main wing of Fowl Manor. The study was sparse, including only Artemis, Jayjay and his cage, and a handful of furniture, one of which happened to be a mirror. A single glance confirmed Artemis' suspicions: he was ten years old again.

And if Jayjay was here... then Artemis was due for two rather interesting visitors.

The child prodigy quickly left the room (making sure to give Jayjay a polite pat on the head) and ran to his room, walking the halls of the manor. Glancing around, Artemis had to wonder, minutely, at how uninviting his ancestral home was. The gothic designs, melded with modern sensibilities, did not lead to many places that could be considered inviting. To an extent, that was the point: Artemis Fowl Sr. had spent much of his life managing a vast criminal empire. The entire building should have inspired fear in those who walked its halls.

Artemis paused, and sighed. His father's vast enterprise had never been a particularly enjoyable thing to dwell on, which could have contributed to how jaded Artemis had been as a child. His father had trafficked the flow of billions in currency, with the empire stretching from the docks of Istanbul to the hospitals of Glasgow. Drugs, information, people, counterfeit currency, stolen art, it all flowed through the network. Artemis Fowl Sr. had been in the shipping business long before the Fowl Star had been blown to smithereens by the Russian Mafia.

Artemis Fowl the first had not been a good man, but he had been a good father, and a good husband. Perhaps that had been the cause of this insanity. Everything that had come, had come from one man. Artemis the second resisted a small, minute smirk. It seemed he had far too much to thank his father for after all.

Well, his father and the Russian Mafia, but the latter could be introduced to the Trolls for all he cared. Artemis immediately committed the idea to memory: Russian Mafia vs a Troll. That would be something to watch.

Artemis' room was as he remembered it: wall to wall with televisions on multiple news stations, waiting for news of his father. Several computer screens were set aside: Artemis even noticed the blueprint to the concert hall he had designed. He decided to address that later and started working through Foaly's firewalls.

In barely ten minutes, Artemis had snuck through the electronic defenses of the Faerie Folk and was opening the audio jack to Holly's helmet. "Captain Short? Is a miss Captain Short present?"

"BUSY!" Holly shouted into the mic, neatly shocking Artemis out of his chair. It would be several seconds (an abominably long time in Artemis' book) for him to recall that Holly was currently in Hamburg at the moment.

It had not been a good mission for Holly.

Nearly an hour later and less than three hours from Artemis planned to have him and Holly return from the future, Holly called Artemis back. "Fowl, you are going to need a damn good reason for calling me. I only just got the perp out of there!"

"My sincerest and most legitimate apologies-"

"Not very sincere then."

"-Are given to you Holly. I honestly hadn't know that you were preoccupied with the Hamburg situation."

"I got shot in the stomach because you distracted me. Do you know how much-" Holly broke off. "I'm sorry, but I still got shot. If I wasn't more magic than flesh, I would be dead."

"Your magical skills are prodigious, given our age and your original, innate talents," Artemis complimented.

Holly caught the edge to his tone and sighed. "Sorry I snapped at you Artemis."

"I apologized earlier and will not repeat myself."

Holly glared at Artemis through the screen. Artemis blushed and recanted. "I am sorry Holly, for calling you at a bad time."

Holly tightened down her helmet and increased the force of her wing rig, the solar-electric wings lifting the elf into the air. "So, I'm assuming you've fooled Foaly's sensors to let us talk normally?"

"In essence, if you want to be simple," Artemis said. "You are aware of the date and time, are you not?"

"Yeah, I know. We're due for some time travelers," Holly answered, a giddy tone slipping into her deadpan. "I take it we're moving to Fowl Manor?"

"Correct. You have three hours."

Holly terminated the feed, and Artemis settled in to wait.

* * *

Butler, Artemis and Holly stood in a small side room, vacant of adornment bar their presence. The mountainous manservant glanced down at the diminutive soldier who had arrived not twenty minutes ago in spectacular fashion. After all, she had appeared from thin air.

Artemis, on the other hand, had been staring at the empty space in front of himself and his companions, patiently awaiting the arrivals. His assumption as it stood was that, once he himself arrived from the distant past, he would provide the future copies with Jayjay and they would be on their merry way. This, of course, assumed that Opal's interference was not to be expected. Opal Koboi was an annoyingly inconsistent presence in the iterations, seeing as her presence in his future was dependent on his actions in the past, and came dangerously close to causing a paradox.

It could easily incite a headache in Artemis, which was no small feat indeed.

But alas, time was on their side. From a lowly growing trapezoid of purple light, emerged two, solitary figures... in their underwear. Artemis and Holly rolled their eyes: of course they had forgotten that. Butler raised an eyebrow, but made no comment from their hiding spot. Artemis ticked down the seconds to his speaking role, and sighed when the opportune moment passed. "I believe we have a problem."

The future versions of Artemis and Holly nearly jumped out of their skin when the trio of downtimers emerged from behind the curtains. The downtime Artemis sighed internally. "Welcome, future variants of myself and Holly, to the past. Are you enjoying it?"

The uptime Holly gaped at her downtime version. "But... but... how..."

Downtime Holly sighed. "No 1 had to mind wipe us, I take it? No, you don't know that yet. Damn time traveling."

Uptime Artemis scratched at his suddenly scraggly chin: he had been aged up. Setting that fact aside for further examination at a later date, Artemis nodded to his previous self. "I take it some form of time travel has already occurred."

"After a fashion," Artemis admitted.

"As impressive as this reunion is, are we certain that you can't explain the situation to your dear old butler?" Butler asked laconically. "She arrived ten minutes ago, and now you two," Butler pointed at Holly and the uptimers. "I was told that Faeries were involved in some manner, but my charge has been painfully unclear." Butler crossed his arms and stared imposingly down at all four of the shorter people. "If you may explain this to me, it would be very obliged."

Artemis, Holly, Artemis and Holly all sighed. "This may take a while, Domovoi. Rest assured though, it will all make sense... eventually."

* * *

Domovoi Butler rested in his chair, sagging under the weight of his revelations. "All this time... right beneath our feet."

"I was quite surprised as well Butler, at least at first. The information was there though, and it made sense. Beyond that, I had known all along what would occur. The future is a strange thing," the downtime Artemis said.

Aside from Butler, the uptime Artemis and Holly, having taken to refer to themselves as Arty and Holls, were staring quietly at the downtime Holly. "All those hundreds of years, hidden by magic." Holls shook her head. "It's just so... so much. And with Arty here, I... D'Arvit, is fate pushing us together or something."

Holly shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine." Tapping her right cheek, Holly indicated her cerulean eye. "Thing is, your eyes are back to normal now. You think we switched back in the time stream?"

Arty shrugged, giving the second best answer he could. The best answer he could was this. "We cannot know for certain. It is merely an incident that had yet to occur chronologically. However the event transpires, it will transpire. But... if I must ask..." Arty winced. "Captain Short, are you... did I explain the nature of our situation to you?"

Holls was rather confused, but Holly got his drift, and groaned. "Yes, Artemis. You did. And... Ugh." Holly grumbled. Artemis had, the first time around, blackmailed Holly into helping him go back in time to rescue Jayjay to try and heal his mother, whom a future Opal Koboi had possessed to falsify the rare and deadly disease, Spelltrophy. It wouldn't have been so bad, had Artemis not told Holly that she was the one who gave Angelina Spelltrophy, and thus implicating her as being a Typhoid Mary of the disease.

It had been a lie, but having that weight on her shoulders had...

It had been Hell. It had been the lowest Holly had ever felt. If it hasn't been for her training, and the chance to make it right, Holly might not have recovered. That Artemis had been lying to her the entire time had taken all of her fear, all of her doubt, and thrown it at him as white hot anger. Only raw, total professionalism had stopped her from lashing out.

Artemis whispered something in vague lemur, allowing Jayjay to hop onto his shoulder. "The situation that will develop shortly is complicated to say the least. In short, we shall be transporting Opal Koboi to the future, blackmailing a legion of extinctionists, and almost certainly be dealing with a gorilla. Are you two feeling up for the task?"

Arty and Holls shared a single glance, and nodded. Butler took at look at his two charges, and wondered how quickly they'd take over the world.

Well, that wasn't the issue at stake here. Now, they had a pixie to find.

* * *

 **2.4: Multi-Man**

* * *

Artemis Fowl was experiencing a hilariously unique situation. Artemis Fowl was also experiencing a shockingly unique situation. That might have been a perfectly crazy description of the situation...

If there hasn't been two Artemis' staring at each other.

The Artemis towards the western corner of the room scratched his chin, thoughtful. The opposite Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Are you a clone?"

"I am certain I am not. In fact, the impulse of you being a clone is rather strong," Artemis West said.

Artemis East clicked his teeth. "I would assume so. This may simply be a manifesto on of those rare deviations from the events prior to the instigation of iterations."

"An accurate, if baseless, assumption. Perhaps I am merely an alternate future version of yourself minutely transposed backwards in time?" Artemis West suddenly smiled. "Regardless though, it is quite enjoyable to have encountered another being who's intellect enables them to discuss topics on an equal level."

"Certainly, a correct observation," Artemis East said. "Though the issue of naming will need to be addressed. While referencing ourselves as Artemis when alone shall suffice, in the event of our presences overlapping as they do now we shall need alternate names to refer to ourselves with."

Artemis West and Artemis East stared at each other. Then... "Not it!" Artemis West shouted.

Artemis East twitched. "I presume... you deduced I was about to conceive a name for you?"

"Correct. Was it... Orion?"

"It was a suitable name for our alternate. I... guess it'll fit for me," Artemis muttered.

At that moment, Butler walked in. "Master Artemis, who are you-" Butler stopped at the sight of two Artemi.

Artemis threw an arm around Orion. "Butler, may I introduce my long lost twin?"

"No."

Artemis and Orion twitched in annoyance. This would be harder than they thought...

* * *

"The planet is doomed," Holly surmised when she arrived at Fowl Manor later that evening.

Orion sighed, counting down from ten to stop himself from being more vocal in his annoyance. "Holly, the planet is hardly in any greater danger from myself multiplied than it is from a singular version."

"Beyond that fact, it also demonstrates a disturbing lack of trust in myself. Honestly Holly, I thought you had more faith in me," Artemis said, smirking.

Holly gave both mudboys a hard stare. "Orion, Artemis, what are you doing right now?"

"We're stealing stocks," the Artemi replied in stereo.

"Exactly."

* * *

"I still maintain the world is doomed," Holly grumbled through the speaker in Artemis' ear.

Artemis chuckled as on stage, Orion received the noble peace prize, commemorating his success on ending the famine within East Africa. "Holly, we've ended the starvation and destitution of millions. It's hardly an alien invasion."

"It's you Artemis. I am fully justified in my worry."

"We ended hunger in Africa."

"I can still see the storm clouds."

"Rest assured Holly. Only good things can come from this."

* * *

"I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I-"

"If you say 'I knew it' again Holly, I will turn off my phone," Orion said strongly.

"Artemis was just voted as president of the globe by the United Nations. I FUCKING KNEW IT!" Holly shrieked into her receiver.

Several dozen miles above Holly, Orion groaned into his phone. "Holly, really? Who better to lead the world? We're geniuses with intelligence and experience outstripping any sole entity on the planet. With enough practice, we will almost certainly succeed in running the world. Almost certainly by ourselves," he added.

"I'm still not convinced."

* * *

"...Fowl..." Holly growled.

Root threw an elbow into Holly's ribs as he and Holly stood on the podium in front of the world's press. Holly resorted to simply stare impassively at the mud-boys. It was the best she could do in public.

The Fowl Presidents were sheepishly grinning and waving at the press. Only a few days ago, the Zito probe had narrowly missed the E7 chute, but due to unforeseen circumstances (read, Opal Koboi not taking 'no' for an answer) the probe and the molten iron ore it had been encased in had ground to a halt just a few meters from the Haven blast walls. Zito and his scientists... and then the press... and then the world's armed forces had been baffled when they started getting a radio signal that sounded very strongly like every language ever. Some blast mining later, Humans met Faeries. Thankfully, Orion had been along on the expedition to smooth things out.

Now, Faeries, with the promise of copious amounts of technology, were being allowed to freely walk the surface of the earth again for the first time in millennia. To commemorate the event, Artemis and Orion were to grant the 'key to the planet' to LEPrecon Commander Root and Major Holly Short.

Artemis winced. "Holly..."

"This will only end in disaster," Holly intoned minutely.

* * *

BANG BANG BANG!

Holly ducked behind the concrete barricade, pulling her spare Neutrino out and returning fire. Next to her, Artemis and Orion were huddling behind the barrier. "Alright, you can say it," Orion said.

"Not helping!"

"Really, you were right the entire time," Artemis admitted.

"Shut up!"

"On behalf of us both, we are horribly sorry," Orion groveled.

"Fowl, shut up and let me focus!" Holly shouted. She pegged another Elf with a blast from her Neutrino, and then knocked out yet another Mudmen. "How did you piss off every species?"

"..." Orion and Artemis were deathly quiet, but only for a moment. "The miniskirt laws."

Holly stopped firing to gape at the duplicated boys. "Artemis... What did you say?"

"How were we supposed to know women liked pants?" Artemis and Orion intoned in stereo.

Holly slapped her forehead. "I hate it when you're pubescent."

"Seconded."

* * *

 **2.5: Medieval (Part 1)**

* * *

The air was clean, the light soft on her weak eyes. Around her the muted bustle of Faerie's breaking camp filled her pointed ears, as fathers grabbed tents and supplies and mothers grabbed food and children. The rustle of branches and the silent kiss of soft moss and loam on her back completed the portrait. Mouth working, she spoke. "What's happening?"

The moonlight bequeathed her a vision of Julius Root. "We're moving out Holly. We're leaving this place and heading for the sea. Stay still, your side still hasn't been fully healed."

Holly blinked and sat up, despite her side screaming in protest, needles of red hot agony surging from the side of her waist into her stomach and chest. The elf glanced around at the camp of men, women, elderly, children, even infants, all packing up. "But... but... how... Commander what's going on?"

"Commander?" Root intoned in confusion. "What do you mean Holly? I'm not a commander here, I'm a prince. Wait, are you feverish again?" Root tried to feel Holly's forehead, only for her to recoil in shock. "Holly, what is going on!?" He shouted, finally losing his patience.

Holly was paying attention to him though. Because she remembered... She remembered everything.

* * *

For the past six hundred years, the Mud Men had hunted the Faeries, consumed in rage for the death and atrocities they blamed on them. They blamed the Faeries for the Black Plague, for the black snows that had fallen for years in the distant past, for misfortunes big and small. And Faeries weren't beyond blame.

After all, Hybras had landed.

Hybras, the massive rock it was, had fallen out of Limbo far too early. Its arrival had been smooth, but miscalculated. Instead of landing into the future, in the year 2007, it had crashed down to earth in 1437, and had landed dead center in Europe. The island of the eighth family had fallen sixty miles before crushing the Alps in spectacular fashion. Nuclear winter had ensued, crops falling and people starving. The shockwaves had destabilized Haven and all underground Faerie cities, forcing the Faerie Families back to the surface.

The return had gone as well as expected.

With no way down, no way out, and nowhere to hide, the Faeries were hunted. Their technology had been neutralized, by Faeries who couldn't stomach the mass murder that would ensue, and by the sheer numbers of humans. The humans, wielding poleaxes, swords, bows, had hunted Faeries for nearly six hundred years in vengeance. The only boon was that, because the war didn't end, didn't stop, humans couldn't advance technology: no guns, no cannons, and no cars. Mud Men now ruled the world, but they were stuck in the Iron Age.

But the Faeries were hunted. They were cowed and sought and driven to extinction and there was. No. Way. Out.

* * *

"Artemis?" Butler asked.

The sudden words shook Artemis from his stupor, dragging him quite painfully from his memories. The prodigious young man almost visibly flinched, a motion not lost on his manservant. Butler narrowed his eyes: something was wrong. "Master Artemis, have you noticed something?"

Artemis quickly retook his bearings. As the newest iteration of time had begun, Artemis had found himself astride a brown horse, clopping it's through dark, damp woods. His company consisted of Butler, the Troll-Slayer, a body guard, three huntsmen, and a huntress.

They were Faerie hunting tonight.

"No Butler. Merely the chill on my nerves. It is nothing," Artemis answered swiftly, burying his anxiety as he mentally took stock. Butler was still his close friend and confident, despite the otherwise radical deviations in society, technology, and situation. The other body guard was Billy Kong, and the Huntsmen were unknown to him. The Huntress on the other hand was Juliet. She'd make things complicated.

Artemis was attached to the group by an interesting fiat. His intellect had allowed him to easily ferret out Faeries when needed, and had also led him to deduce that a string of robberies from his father's vault were perpetrated by a Faerie. Oh, woe upon the Fowl Family, and woe upon whomever stole from them. Whoever could it be, such was the impossible mys-

It was Mulch.

Artemis sighed and mentally kicked himself. The entryway into the treasury had been found to be a long passage underneath the ground. Ergo, it had to be a Dwarf hole. Artemis had taken one look at the hole, and declared that it was a local tribe of elves who had made it.

Obviously, not his best choice.

Tonight, as it had for the past several, Artemis was attached to an expedition into the woods. The attempts to find the elusive Faeries. Artemis had gotten close, yes, but they eluded him and his group.

Artemis' hand ghosted gently to his right eye. Tonight, he resolved, he would not fail. He could not.

Artemis slowed his horse's gait, scanning the darkness and shadows cast by the pale Irish moonlight. "Gentlemen, tonight we catch a Faerie," he declared to thin applause. Artemis nodded, taking the reins of his horse, Cerul, and urging her forward to move alongside Butler. "Once we find the Faeries, I am going to need you to trust me."

Butler squashed his alarm thoroughly, but enough escaped him to be noticeable. "Master Artemis, what are you planning?"

"You'd think me mad if I explained it," Artemis admitted. "You'd believe me, you'd just also think I had taken leave of my mental facilities. Trust in me Butler. I will surprise you. In the meantime, you must keep an eye on Juliet. Please, for her sake."

Butler pursed his lips, his common sense and sense of protection warring inside of him. Finally, a compromise was reached. "Juliet, come up here," he shouted, patiently awaiting his sister's arrival. "Is this acceptable?"

Artemis stared at the empty trees and silent woods. "It's... different. Thank you Butler. Thank you."

* * *

 **2.6: Time Trapped**

* * *

"YOU HAVE TO HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW!" Artemis and Holly shouted as they ran into the room.

Artemis and Holly stared at their time displaced selves. They had been trying to find something that Artemis could cook, with Mexican food being a promising start, when two copies of them had run into the room. "Please define how eminent 'now' is," Artemis asked.

The time traveling Holly glanced at her Moonometer. "Twenty minutes, otherwise you risk a paradox. Also, my Artemis is going to suggest a naming scheme in three, two, one..."

"I am Artemis Two, this is Holly Two, you both are Artemis and Holly Prime," Artemis Two said.

Holly Prime coughed into her hand. "So... If you're us from the future, do you know what question I'm about to ask?"

"You have to ask it anyway, to seed the existence of the question," Artemis Two said. "If you ask the question, then she'll know what the question is. If you don't, she won't, and thus my Holly won't answer it."

"Unless you happen to know yourself incredibly well, as I do," Holly Two said. "In which case I know the question is, 'why have sex?'. Your past self can answer it."

"A paradox, right?" Artemis Prime said, stashing his apron away. "You came into the past, ordered us to... er... do that, and we did, then we came back into this time period to order ourselves to do this." Artemis Prime winced. "That is correct, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," Artemis Two admitted with a touch of remorse. "Unfortunately..." He glanced awkwardly at Holly Two, who had been avoiding looking at him for the time they had been presence. "It has to happen, lest you risk a time paradox."

Several moments passed. Holly Two glanced back at her Moonometer. "Literally screwed by the universe, Mudboy. Hell of a way to lose your virginity. Also, you need to get to your parents' bedroom."

If Artemis and Holly Prime had been pale before, it couldn't compare to how white they were now. "In... what?"

"Chop chop, universe to save, paradox to prevent, hop to it, you two," Holly Two ordered. Protests from her previous self and Artemis Prime came to her dead ears, and shoving and dragging the duo along, the time traveling elf hauled them both into the room of Angelina and Artemis the First. "You have two minutes to get naked, and get on with it," Holly Two said, dropping both.

Artemis Two clicked his teeth. "Well, look on the bright side, both of you. It was fun." The time traveler gave them a light wave. "Enjoy it."

"You didn't actually enjoy it, you idiots."

Artemis Prime, Holly Prime, Artemis Two and Holly Two all turned to the wardrobe, which promptly opened and vomited another set of Holly and Artemis. The LEPrecon officer was glaring at all four of the prior versions of her and her company. "Hello, everyone."

"To continue the trend, we are the Three's," Artemis Three said as an introduction. "And we're here to inform you that this has occurred before."

"Come again?" Artemis Prime muttered.

Holly Three grabbed a chair, flipped it around, and sat on it. "Those two," pointing at Artemis and Holly Two, "have had their memories wiped. They think they had sex against their will because of time travel. We came back to make sure that the time stream went the way it was supposed to."

"We didn't have sex," Artemis Two said.

"Thank Frond," Holly Two muttered. She glanced at her previous incarnation. "Heh. Sorry about that."

"..." Holly and Artemis Prime glared at their first iterations of time travel. "In this case, why did they return through time?"

"To-"

"Try and cause a paradox because Opal Koboi wiped their memories!"

Artemis Three sighed and facepalmed. "Please don't interrupt me," he grumbled as Artemis and Holly Four stormed into the room, the elf staring at her Moonometer.

Holly Four held up her time piece. "Look, we're running out of time. Suffice to say, you two really do need to have sex, in... one minute!"

"Look, I know this is crazy, but you need to actually have sex, right now!" Artemis Four ordered his past self. "It's instrumental to-"

"Our doom!"

"OH COME ON!" Holly Prime shrieked as Artemis and Holly Five rappelled down through the window, Holly Five nearly missing due to her eyepatch. "WHAT, WHAT, IS GOING ON?!"

"This is all a plan by Leon Abbott-"

"When in reality it's still Opal," Holly Six said as she popped out of a potted plant. The fact that she alone was not accompanied by an Artemis was immediately noted. "Artemis couldn't make it."

"I did, this time," Artemis Seven said as he and Holly Seven emerged from behind the bookcase.

"HAHHHHH!" Holly Prime shouted. "WHAT IS GOING ON!"

The horde of Artemi and Hollies turned to the obviously infuriated Holly Prime. "Look, am I and Artemis supposed to have sex, or not!?"

"It would certainly help to know if the inciting incident of this debacle did in fact involve intercourse between myself and Captain Short," Artemis Prime said as formally as possible. It was as if he were trying hide to his extreme embarrassment behind polite discourse. His candy apple red face didn't help at all.

Artemis Eight and Holly Eight entered the room at that moment, eating ice cream bars. Both of them came to a dead halt at the sight of so many copies of themselves. "Did we miss something?" Artemis Eight asked.

"Look, could we have an explanation or something?" Holly Three grumbled.

At which point a boy with scraggly black hair, striking green eyes, wire glasses, and a lightning bolt scar walked into the room. "Hello everyone. I'm a time traveler. My name is-"

"GET OUT!" The Hollies and Artemi roared.

The boy politely turned tail and left the room. Holly Six turned to Holly Eight. "I think the critical moment passed. Guess we really didn't have sex."

Holly Eight shrugged. "It's all a big prank by Foaly. Trust me, you don't need to worry about anything."

The army of Artemi and Hollies stared at the most recent Holly. "Wait, isn't that a para-"

Poof.

Artemis Eight and Holly Eight ate their burritos as their previous duplicates vanished into Time. "That won't end well for us come the reset, will it?" Artemis Eight muttered around his food.

"No. No it will not," Holly Eight declared.

A moment passed.

"Weren't we eating Ice Cream?"

"Yes, yes we were."

* * *

 **2.1: Genderbent loops. What are you going to do?**

 **2.2: You really can play around with the timeline as you wish…**

 **2.3: ...And sometimes, the timeline will play around with you.**

 **2.4: Artemis and Artemis. Really, this was expected.**

 **2.5: Let's get medieval!**

 **2.6: I blame chronic writers block.**


End file.
